6 years in Pictures!

Two years ago we were praying that Ellie would see her 4th birthday and today she turns 6!!! It's crazy to look through these pics of her growing up and see the changes. Ellie is AWESOME! She has been through more in her short little 6 years then most adults, she is a FIGHTER, she has always reminded me of my Grandma Dale (my moms mom) she was a tiny woman, and had her fair share of trials but she never gave up she was determined to fight her way through things. When Ellie was in the hospital one feeling that I had was that my grandma was there coaching her and telling her it wasn't her time and that she needed to fight, at the time I took a lot of comfort in that, if there was one person that could teach her to stay strong, it was my grandma! Ellie is KIND and COMPASSIONATE now she does yell at her siblings (and me) a lot, but she is the first one to ask if your ok if your hurt, she is the first one to give you her favorite blanket and tuck you in if you fall asleep, the first one to give you a hug when you've had a bad day and can't stop crying, she is the first one to tell you everything is going to be ok. Ellie is HAPPY! She is one of the happiest people I know, there are days when she does nothing but cry or scream, but even on those days she has these fleeting moments of happiness, and her smile will brighten anyone's day.You can't help but be happy when she is around, the happiness that radiates from her is contagious! Ellie is a MIRACLE! She has stared death in the face more then once and has been granted the gift of life each time. Ellie is a BLESSING a GIFT from our Heavenly Father I don't know what I did to deserve to have her my care such a sweet and special little girl, but I love her with all my heart, I have learned so much from her I an truly thankful for her and all the blessings and trials that have come from being her mother.



What better way to celebrate her life then through pictures!


Ellie is about a month old in these pics. (February 09)

   



1 years old! Spaghetti has always been her favorite! She loves to be out doors! ( February 2010)
   


2 yrs old! I love the picture on the left! She runs everywhere just like her brother! (March 2011)
   

3! Pretty in pink, if you ask her what her favorite color is she will say pink glitter! (2012)
  


This was January 1st 2013, the day that she was brought out of her medically induced coma.

January 5th 2013, Physical therapy, she started walking again! 

January 30th 2013. Ellie's 4th birthday was memorable for many reasons, but one of the coolest reasons is because the Firefighters that were the first responders to her accident, picked her up in their Firetruck and drove her to school!

March 2013, we were shopping for Easter dresses!

 5 years old! Pre-school graduation (may 2014) Kindergarten registration (august 2014)

 



6 years old!!! I love this girl Forever and Always!Happy Birthday Ellie!

2 years

Today marks the 2 year anniversary of Ellie's accident, As the months have gotten closer to the anniversary of Ellie's accident I have felt disconnected with the rest of the world distracted by my thoughts and feelings, I feel like the biggest flake ever forgetting phone calls, appointments, school activities. I honestly don't know how to describe what I am feeling, really it feels surreal, when I look back and see what was going on in our lives a 2 years ago, I think that it's easy to say "Na that didn't really happen" but then the gut wrenching sick feeling in the pit of my stomach tells me different.I look at Ellie and all that she is going through and know that it happened and our family is forever changed because of it. The fear that something bad could happen at any given moment is so strong, I keep thinking that what happened is behind us now, yes it happened but it's over, but the fear of something equally as bad happening is there and growing stronger by the day, some days I just want to lock the door and never leave, I'm under the illusion that this will keep my family safe. I had hoped over the years things would get easier.

When Ellie was in the hospital we next to never left her side, one of us was always by her side, holding her hand, talking/singing to her, reading some of her favorite stories. One of the nurse's Ida was her name (she quickly became one of my favorites), saw me one day holding Ellie's hand and crying, and begging her to please stay with us, to fight and stay strong, I didn't even know that Ida was behind me until she put a hand on my shoulder, and with tears in her eyes told me "give it to God, he will carry it for you."  she gave me a tight hug and then left. I needed to hear those words and after that I really tried to, when I felt stressed, overwhelmed and helpless I took her advice and gave it to god, I also took Dana's advise and put Ellie's life in God's hands "thine will be done" was uttered at the end of every pray.

Once the bleeding had finally stopped and Ellie was on the road to recovery, Ida gave me some more advice, she told me there wasn't much I could do while she was still in her coma, so she encouraged me to spend more time at home with the other kids, and resting because "the hard part comes when she wakes up, you will need all your energy and strength.". I knew she was right, things were going to get hard emotionally, spiritually and physically, I was already struggling to keep up the nursing Maeley and being there for the other kids, I took her advice once more. When the day finally came that Ellie woke up and a whole new chapter in our lives began I realized how true Ida's words were, it was so hard to see Ellie hurting, and struggling, my heart was breaking even more, I was so glad my little girl was alive and awake, but I was sad because her life, our life wasn't going to be the same. Things definitely got tougher, Ellie was really stubborn and it took a lot of our energy to get her to listen to the Dr.'s and nurses. One thing that Ellie became famous for was sticking her tongue out at her nurses(and the neurologist), and instead of it having the affect she wanted it to, everyone laughed and thought it was the cutest thing! Ida would just stick her tongue right back out at Ellie! Ellie and Ida seemed to have a really great friendship, the day that Ellie was released we passed Ida in the hall and she greeted us happily and was excited that she would be Ellie's nurse for the afternoon shift, I wanted to cry when we told her that Ellie was going home, but she was so happy for us and for Ellie, she was sad that Ellie was leaving because everyone had gotten use to having her around, but she was so happy that she was well enough to come home! Ida gave me a hug and said "you got this mom, everything will be ok, remember give it to God!".

I knew that things were going to be very difficult, but I figured with time things would get better and the stress wouldn't be so bad. When Ellie was first home I jumped right in and just did what needed to be done, I could handle the physical part of it just fine, but it was the emotional part that was killing me, it was night after night of being woken up by her screams from night terrors, watching her detox from the morphine was pure hell, because I could do NOTHING to help her, all I could do was hold her (most the time she wouldn't let me), I would just sit by her side and pray for help and comfort, I remember thinking that once that stage was over anything else that came would be a piece of cake, boy was I wrong! It's been 2 yrs and Ellie as come so far, she has never stopped fighting, things are a lot easier than they were when she was first home, but there are some days and even weeks that things seem worse and I just want to hang my head a cry. When Ida told me things would be harder when Ellie woke at the time I thought that meant just until she recovered, but now I realize you don't recover completely from a brain injury, for Ellie the physical pain got better, she learned to walk and run again, she was able to remember how to talk (although this took longer). With everything that she is able to do again there is something that she can't do, Ellie hasn't been diagnosed yet but her Dr. and I are pretty sure she suffers from short term memory loss, she's our little Dory! Ya know I always loved the character of Dory in Finding Nemo, thought it was funny how she would forget things, but now that I live with someone who suffers from it, I don't find it that funny anymore.

 Have you ever had a time when you were trying to think of something and you just couldn't recall it and it drove you crazy cause you knew  that you knew it, and it frustrated you until you finally remembered? Now think how it would be to go through that everyday, all the time, think about how frustrating it is for Ellie who knows that she use to know the alphabet, how to count to ten, how to write her name, how to use the bathroom, and now she can't remember she has to be not just reminded but retaught day after day, the moment of remembrance doesn't come to her, she doesn't have that moment of clarity. I admit I struggle so hard with this, I often loose my patience with her, even though I know it isn't her fault that I have to repeat myself 10 or more times before she finally remembers only to repeat the process the very next day. I often find myself wondering if she will ever be able to move forward to learn, learning has become so hard, most kindergartners are so excited to go to school and learn, to share the information they have learned with their families, but Ellie hates going to school, she feels stupid because she can't remember things, she cries in the car when I pick her up because she can't answer the question I ask every day "how was your day?what did you learn?" because she simply can't remember. We are doing all the we know to do to help her and I know that it will get easier over time, I just need to keep reminding Ellie of that.

Ellie suffers from severe headaches, she still has night terrors (but they are getting better), and her ears constantly hurt, normal sound is magnified 10 fold. When I think of Ida's words I realize that things aren't just going to be hard for me for a short period of time, but hard for our whole family, especially for Ellie, for the rest of our lives, there's always going to be struggles and times when we just want to throw our hands in the air and walk away, but we won't because we "got this", "give it to God", "thine will be done.".

Through all of this, even on our hardest days I look at Ellie and smile, and thank my Heavenly Father for our struggles because they make me love and admire her more everyday! Ellie struggles, but she always laughs and loves, she is such a joy to be around, she can turn your worst day into your best, with just a smile and a hug, to me that's amazing because I know she is struggling. Ellie is one of the most kind and compassionate 5 yr old's I know, every time I talk with a teacher or a therapist one of the first things they tell me is that she is always thinking of the other kids in the class/group that are having a hard time, she's always lending a hand, she let's them know that they have a friend!  If I could go back and change the events that have brought us here today with these struggles I wouldn't because I have learned and grown so much, I strive to be a better person, mother, wife, and friend. My family has been simply amazing through everything, instead of letting these struggles push us apart we have let them make us stronger as a whole and I wouldn't have it any other way!

Things are tough and some days are almost unbearable, but some days things are wonderful! I have learned to embrace the wonderful days because when I really think about it the wonderful and great days outnumber the bad days, we just need to "give it to God". I love my family with my whole heart and I know that together we can do overcome anything.

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas, hold your families close, with them you can do anything!

Long time no post

It has been almost a year since I posted last! I am definitely going to try and do better this year. I've been struggling so much with Kaleb and Ellie this year and I decided that I need an outlet so I think this blog is gonna be it, and hopefully it will help me to work through things.

This last month I have been so distracted with thoughts of Ellie and her accident. You would think that almost 2 years later I wouldn't have a sinking feeling every time I see an ambulance or fire truck, or that I would be able to think about Christmas without bursting into tears ,but Ellie and our family live every day with the result of the accident and I am overwhelmed with emotions as the anniversary of her accident approaches.

Friday I took Ellie to pick out a birthday present for a friend, as we were driving home she was talking about Christmas and how excited she was, we were sitting at a red light when she very enthusiastically said "this is going to be the best Christmas EVER!" and in that moment I was brought back to Christmas day 2 yrs ago (almost) when I was doing my best to make it through the day and be happy for the other kids that I had home, happy and healthy I got a phone call. it was Dana he gave me the news I had been wanting to hear for days"the bleeding stopped, she's on her way to healing." I cried and remembered saying out loud "best gift EVER!". I found myself back in the car with Ellie, crying at the memory and I couldn't help but think every Christmas that I have all my kids happy and healthy will  be the best EVER!

There are times when I wish that Ellie's accident never happened, to see the struggle that she goes through everyday just breaks my heart. Lately I have been trying to look at all the good that has come from her struggles, the biggest one is my appreciation for my family, I'm striving everyday to live in the moment to find the good among-st the chaos, to look for the blessings I receive each and everyday, instead of lingering on the negative.   The strength that Ellie has shown just amazes me, there are days when she just sits on the floor and screams, but once the frustration is gone she picks herself up puts on a smile, keeps trying and moving forward.

There are days when I just want to sit in my room and cry because all my kids are doing is yelling and screaming and expressing how much they want to be in a different family, but by bedtime they are hugging and encouraging each other and showing each other how much they care. Ellie's accident brought us closer together and I am so thankful for that.

I'm excited to start blogging again, I didn't realize how much I missed it, so get ready for some up and down posts,hopefully there will be more ups than downs!

Lamps Christmas 2013

We are truly grateful for those who made Christmas possible this year for our family, with all the medical bills from Ellie's accidents, Ryne's broken arm, Dana's surgery and of course all the normal costs of having a family of 6 we have been strapped. We couldn't have done it without the kindness of others, so thank you, thank you, thank you!

We I spent Christmas Eve baking, the kids had a blast wrestling with each other and of course they had to practice jumping on the bed for later. 

Finally the time came to open their Christmas jammies, the kids were thrilled! I have to admit I wasn't sure if I was going to get them done in time since the fabric I ordered didn't get here till Wednesday the 18th, I didn't get to work on them till the 20th, with Dana's help they were completed on time!

After jammies it was time to talk about the real reason we celebrate Christmas, grandma sent the kids a new nativity that came with a book, so we set it up and read the story.

After the nativity story we got comfortable on the couch and read a book we got last year called The Missing Christmas treasure. Last year grandma J sent each of the kids a new Christmas book this one was Ellie's and she never got to read it, so we made sure she got to read it. I have to admit it was very emotional!

Once stories were read the kids grabbed a sock and headed for our bed for our traditional sock shaking and singing of Tis Christmas Ever Dear Santa Claus. I have a video I just can't download it at the moment. 

Once the kids were nestled in there beds we waited for the adrenaline rush to wear off so we could get to work!

 Putting the presents under the tree was the easy part! We still had to put together the Santa gifts. Kaleb got a Tardis playhouse tent, it was easier to put together then I thought it would be!

The girls got the Frozen castle with Ana (for Ellie) and Elsa (for Ryne), to say they were thrilled when they saw it would be a major understatement!

Mae got a stuffed elephant chair (courtesy of grandma J)

Dana's happy dance! We finished at about 2 a.m.!

Ok so here's a funny not funny at the moment story. I heard noise in the living room around 5:30 a.m. it was Kaleb and Ellie I beckoned them to our room where we kept them busy till 7. Dana went to get Mae up and discovered a HUGE mess in the living room, apparently Kaleb decided he didn't need to wait for everyone else to open his presents! Dana was pissed!!! I was too but I wasn't going to let it ruin our day so I made Kaleb clean up the mess and then made it very clear that he couldn't open anymore of his presents ( all of 4 that were left) and he couldn't play with anything he had all ready opened. So being the mean and nasty mom that I am I made him sit in the kitchen where he could watch everyone else open their presents, he wasn't very happy and honestly neither was I but he needed to learn a lesson!

Ok so that story explains this picture Kaleb was really angry (again I have a video I just can't download it) when I told him he couldn't participate!

I didn't get any pics of the mess after opening gifts mainly because we had to clean as we opened cause we kept getting buried among-st all the wrapping paper!

After presents we put Kaleb to work helping with the big Christmas breakfast. Once breakfast was done we let Kaleb open the rest of his gifts. The rest of the day we watched movies, napped and just spent time together. Dana and I were little cry babies, having our entire family together under one roof safe and healthy was the best gift we got this year!

                             I can't tell ya how grateful I am to have this sweet little girl in my life!!

I love my kids!

The missionaries came and hung out with us for a little while the kids LOVED sharing their new toys with them. 

 We hope everyone had a great Christmas and we hope you all have a fantastic New Year!

Friday's Accident

As most of you know on Friday September 20th Ellie nearly drowned in our neighborhood pool. It seems what a lot of people don't know is the truth, the news station got it wrong because they got their stories from unreliable sources, my neighborhood is in an up roar because of the lies that they choose to believe. Dana contacted Fox 10 after he heard one of the reports of the accident that stated that there were a bunch of unattended children in the pool, and that I was no where to be seen, another story was that I was sun tanning while Ellie ran on the deck slipped, hit her head and went into the pool. Neighbors accuse me of neglecting my children, and others are listening and passing judgement. Fox 10 got back with us and asked for an interview, to stress the importance of pool safety and knowing CPR, we decided to give the interview.

The quick 2 minute interview doesn't tell the whole story either, so I'm going to tell the whole story now. Ryne, Kaleb, Ellie and I went swimming Friday afternoon, we had only been there for 20 mins or so before it happened, before she slipped into the water without a sound. It happened so fast, we were playing, splashing having fun, I turned my back on Ellie for only a couple of minutes (2 at the most) to talk with Kaleb, the next thing I heard was Ryne yell that Ellie was under the water, I turned and I didn't expect to see her at the bottom of the pool, I'm not sure what I expected to see just not that. I grabbed her up, she was blue her eyes were rolled into the back of her head, when I laid her on the deck of the pool she started coughing stuff up, there was a moment of relief, I thought that's good she wasn't under long enough, she'll cough it up and be ok, but that relief quickly faded when I could hear the air coming out, but could see that she wasn't breathing any in. I started doing CPR I told Kaleb to got get help to have someone call 911, I kept doing compression's, every time I pushed down on her chest I could her the air coming out of her, I kept going, it seemed like forever before any one came, I screamed for help for someone to call 911 no one was around, finally a neighbor and the manager of the park came back with Kaleb, the manager was on the phone with 911, they all stayed out of the fenced area while I worked on my daughter.

The neighbor left for a minute and found a gal that is a nurse, I continued with CPR he came back and she was on the way. I gave Ellie a couple of breaths and nothing happened, I kept doing compression's, I gave her 1 more breath, this time it was different, this time she got the full complete breath, this time she started breathing on her own. She coughed up some more stuff, her color came back, she opened her eyes, she started to cry, SHE WAS BACK! The nurse arrived, she saw that Ellie was breathing, she positioned her on her side so she could get more out, and she stayed with her and talked with her, kept her awake, she kept Ellie (and me) calm with her gentle voice and encouraging words. I sent Ryne to go get Dana (he works from home) he needed to know what was going on. In the next moment a police officer was there, a minute later 2 fire trucks came in, they had me step back while they worked on her, she was asking for me, she was trying to get up, she wanted her "momma", they started asking questions, I mentioned she had a TBI they needed to know that, panic set in, I started shaking, I fell apart in Dana's arms, more questions were asked, they packed her up, told us where she was being taken, and told us to follow in our car.

As they were leaving with her I became aware of the crowd of people surrounding the pool, I started searching for Dana, and the kids in the crowd when I couldn't find them I started walking home, knowing I needed to change my clothes, get my other kids taken care of and get to the hospital. When they had taken her they said she was critical, we needed to get their fast. A friend took my kids for me, I cried in her arms I kept saying " I was there, I was right there, I turned my back, oh my gosh I was there, just right there." We left, I cried all the way to the hospital, the image of her at the bottom of the pool was replaying over and over in my head, the image of her blue face and rolled back eyes haunted me, we couldn't get there fast enough. What seemed like an eternity we finally arrived, we ran in, they took us back right away, I expected to see her hooked up to machines and unconscious. We rounded the corner and there she was bundled in blankets with a little teddy bear watching cartoons, she smiled as we entered the room.

The Dr. said that her condition had been changed to good on the way to the hospital, when she arrived there was no water in her lungs, she looked great. They asked to recall what happened, then they said that it was consistent with what they could see, they asked if it was possible that she had a seizure before going under, I had remembered one of the firemen asking me the same thing after I had told them about the TBI, I gave the Dr. the same answer I gave the fireman, it was possible but I had no idea if that's what happened. The Dr. explained what they normally expect with a near drowning, and from what they could tell hers seemed more consistant with someone who passes out and goes under. He explained it to me like this, usually when a child goes under they panic, sucking in tons of water, their lungs fill up fast, when someone passes out and goes under they breathe shallower, so the water intake is a lot less, he also said that there is no way of telling for sure if she had a seizure or not, but it was a possibility that that's what happened.

 This explanation actually answered some of my questions, Ellie knows how to float on her back, she knows how to push up off the bottom of the pool, and we were in 3 feet of water she could have stood up and been fine, so why didn't she? The Dr. said they were going to keep her overnight, to watch for any inflammation in the lungs, but she was doing great and could go home the next day, this doesn't happen very often with near drowning cases. Ellie slept well all night, by morning her lungs sounded fantastic, and she was chompin at the bit to go home, she had to call her brother and sisters and other family, every five minutes she asked me if it was timed to go or "when are the nurses coming?", "where's the Dr? I wanna go home".When the Dr. came in and gave her a clean bill of health and declared that she could go home, Ellie started running circles around the room! She was so happy when we arrived home, the whole incident didn't seem to even effect her at all.

Marryne and Kaleb are doing surprisingly well, they both played a major roll in saving their sisters life, and they seem to have a "eh that's what big brothers and sisters do" attitude, they aren't too shaken up about it. I can't say the same about me, I am very shaken up, I can't sleep at night because every time I close my eyes I see her lifeless body at the bottom of the pool. I replay the incident over and over trying to figure out what I could have done differently, and I come up with the same answer every time, the only thing I could do differently was to not have turned my back on her, not even for a second, I know she would have still gone under the water, but I could have pulled her up right away without incident. People call me a hero because I saved her life, I don't see it that way if I had been watching her I wouldn't have had to save her. I do credit my training and I am so thankful I knew what to do ,because it did make a difference.

Right now I feel like a prisoner in my own home because every time I go outside, I hear whispers, I see fingers being pointed at me, I get dirty looks, I am being called an unfit mother. If this had happened in a public pool, people would sympathize with me, people would say that it happens, it only takes a second for kids to disappear in a crowd and be lost, but in this instant I am being accused and belittled, because "yeah she did a good job saving her, but not a good job of watching her."- one of my neighbors told the media. It's so easy to stand back and look at other peoples life's and judge, it's easy to point out other people's faults than it is too look at our own, it's easier to pull away than it is to give a helping hand. I know Ellie's accident could have been prevented, but no mean words, or accusations can change it now, it happened I did what needed to be done, I love my kids more than anything, I would give up my own life for them in an instant. I am dedicated to my children, nothing is more important to me than them. I know eventually I will be able to get over this, I will be able to forgive myself, this is something my family and I have to work through and I know we will, so for now I will ignore the outside influence, I will hold my head high and let people talk.

I appreciate all of the love, support, encouraging kind words and prayers. God bless you all.

Mae's 1st Birthday!

Maeley's birthday was low key but fun. I wanted to plan a fun party with other friends and their babies, but it just didn't happen because of the trip and all. I did make her a cute little outfit the night before, and she rocked it!

I was going with a rainbow theme, when I was pregnant with Mae on one of my Dr.'s visits the nurse had asked me about my miscarriages and she said "so this one's your rainbow baby?" I hadn't heard that term before so I asked her what she meant, she said "this one's your silver lining, your rainbow after the storm." I couldn't hold back the tears, it was the truth it's exactly how I felt. Needless to say I am a little obsessed with rainbows when it comes to Mae, so of course her party was rainbow themed.

I sound several ideas for a cake;


                                             (source)


                                                      (source)


                                                    (source)

Well since we had only been home a couple of days before her birthday I decided cupcakes was the way to go. I used koolaid packets to flavor each of the colors and it also helped to get the colors just right. Now here's a tip for ya when adding koolaid to your frosting, don't under any circumstances let your 4 yr old help with the koolaid, you will end up with very sour cupcakes! Anyway I was quite happy with how they all looked.

 

I did a bigger cupcake for Mae to smash, it didn't turn out as nice as I had wanted it too cause well the frosting kept melting off! I figured oh well she's gonna smash it anyway.

Man this girl loved her cake, she devoured it! I actually didn't even get to see her eat it cause I went to the kitchen to grab something and by the time I got it back she was done! Luckily my hubby took lots of pics for me!

                   We had blown up some balloons and had them all over the house Mae loved them!

        I got this shot through one of the balloons, she was humming and licking it she was quite entertaining!

Ryne, Kaleb and Ellie made sure Mae had a great birthday, they sang Happy Birthday to her every chance they got, they decorated the house and talked her through the birthday festivities and what birthdays are all about. I think they enjoyed her birthday more than she did!

Somewhere over the rainbow......

Maeley is 1!!

 A year ago today I woke in the middle of the night in labor, but I was in complete DENIAL telling myself that it was just braxton hicks and it would go away, I waited 4 hrs before saying anything to the hubs, and even then I drew myself a bath insisting that it would help the contractions (that were 3 mins apart) go away, he stared at me told me we needed to go but I insisted I wanted to make sure this was the "real deal". Now mind you I have had 3 other kids you would think I would know when I am in labor, but I was induced with the first 2 and the 3rd one was so quick there was no question I was in labor. Ok so finally while I was breathing through what I was convinced was a false contraction(which the warm bath was not helping), Dane held up a towel and insisted we go to the hospital NOW!! I finally gave in, we woke up my mom to let her know we were headed to the hospital, we arrived at the hospital around 3:30 a.m., they hooked me up and monitored me for a couple of hrs, to make sure I was in "real" labor by 6 they decided I wasn't going anywhere, labor was progressing fast (they were amazed I didn't want pain meds), they finally admitted me, we had to wait another couple of hrs before they could move me to room( there was a full moon, labor and delivery was booked). I was a little annoyed cause I really felt like I could have done all that laboring at home (which I prefer)

They finally got me into a room around 9 and wouldn't you know it my labor stalled!! First time EVER this has happened to me, I walked, bounced on the exercise ball, jogged ANYTHING to get labor going again, but nothin happened! My Doc finally ordered some pitocin, it didn't take much to get labor going again, by 10 I was at a 9 and 95% effaced, we were just waiting on the Doc. My Doc came in around 11 decided to break my water, he left saying he was in the process of moving but was only 10 mins away, now mind you I have had 3 children before and all of them had been delivered within 20 mins of my water breaking, I told him not to leave that it wouldn't be long, he didn't listen (big surprise there!) and he left and guess what? Maeley Elizabeth was born at 11:27 a.m.



 without the help of nurses, cause apparently they didn't believe me when I said I had to push, they didn't break the bed down or have anything ready for the baby, they just told me to hold my own legs(while one nurse laid my bed down so I had no support) and push figuring it would take 3 or 4 pushes before baby was anywhere near engaged in the canal, yeah one push and Mae's head was out, one nurse was shocked and said "oh I should call the Dr!" YA THINK!!!! They called him but there was no point, even only being 10 mins away I knew he wouldn't make it! Still no nurses rushed to my aide so I continued to push, I was surprised no one was guiding her out, I finally reached down my self and turned her head to allow her shoulders to come out (this is not easy by the way), one of her shoulders got stuck to which one nurse (the one who laid my bed down) said "oh her shoulders stuck just push harder", this is the first time EVER I have screamed during labor (remember I have had  other kids with no epideral), but holy cow that shoulder getting stuck hurt like a mutha!


Finally after I screamed a nurse that was walking by the room came in and took control (even though Mae was pretty much out). I was a little nervous since Mae didn't cry right away, and I couldn't help but cry cause let's face it this pregnancy had been really hard on me emotionally. I was so happy when I heard her cry and they put her in my arms, I held her skin to skin right away and was able to nurse her right off the bat (first time ever) it was such an awesome moment.



















This last year has gone by so dang fast, but we have enjoyed every minute of it! It's hard to imagine our
family without Maeley, she has been the most relaxed and chill baby I have had which has been a HUGE blessing, especially while Ellie was in the hospital. Ellie is attached to Mae she was the first kid in our family that she recognized after waking up from her coma. Marryne has been such great helper with Maeley, and Kaleb has really enjoyed Maeley (which is big for him). We love Maeley so much and can't wait for many more years with her. I can't wait to see more of Mae's personality come through, she is such a ham and she really loves all her siblings! HAPPY BIRTHDAY sweet MAELEY we love you TONS!!!