It has been almost a year since I posted last! I am definitely going to try and do better this year. I've been struggling so much with Kaleb and Ellie this year and I decided that I need an outlet so I think this blog is gonna be it, and hopefully it will help me to work through things.
This last month I have been so distracted with thoughts of Ellie and her accident. You would think that almost 2 years later I wouldn't have a sinking feeling every time I see an ambulance or fire truck, or that I would be able to think about Christmas without bursting into tears ,but Ellie and our family live every day with the result of the accident and I am overwhelmed with emotions as the anniversary of her accident approaches.
Friday I took Ellie to pick out a birthday present for a friend, as we were driving home she was talking about Christmas and how excited she was, we were sitting at a red light when she very enthusiastically said "this is going to be the best Christmas EVER!" and in that moment I was brought back to Christmas day 2 yrs ago (almost) when I was doing my best to make it through the day and be happy for the other kids that I had home, happy and healthy I got a phone call. it was Dana he gave me the news I had been wanting to hear for days"the bleeding stopped, she's on her way to healing." I cried and remembered saying out loud "best gift EVER!". I found myself back in the car with Ellie, crying at the memory and I couldn't help but think every Christmas that I have all my kids happy and healthy will be the best EVER!
There are times when I wish that Ellie's accident never happened, to see the struggle that she goes through everyday just breaks my heart. Lately I have been trying to look at all the good that has come from her struggles, the biggest one is my appreciation for my family, I'm striving everyday to live in the moment to find the good among-st the chaos, to look for the blessings I receive each and everyday, instead of lingering on the negative. The strength that Ellie has shown just amazes me, there are days when she just sits on the floor and screams, but once the frustration is gone she picks herself up puts on a smile, keeps trying and moving forward.
There are days when I just want to sit in my room and cry because all my kids are doing is yelling and screaming and expressing how much they want to be in a different family, but by bedtime they are hugging and encouraging each other and showing each other how much they care. Ellie's accident brought us closer together and I am so thankful for that.
I'm excited to start blogging again, I didn't realize how much I missed it, so get ready for some up and down posts,hopefully there will be more ups than downs!
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