It's been a hard and very emotional month for me, I should be anxiously awaiting the arrival of a new family member, instead I am crying myself to sleep wondering if the empty hole I have in my heart will ever heal? I know that I was only 14 weeks when we lost him, I never really got to feel him move, and I never got to hold him or see him, but I still felt so connected to him. It doesn't matter how far a long you are when you loose a baby, you are in love with it the moment you find out you are expecting. I have been struggling a lot with many friends updates of the upcoming arrivals, there's a big conflict inside of me every time I read one, on one hand I am happy and excited for them on the other hand I am jealous, frustrated and just down right angry. It's not their fault, it's not something they can control, and right now these feelings are something I can't control.
I have had some people tell me I need to focus on the here and now instead of on the past, and for the most part I do but I can't just move on like it never happened because I just feel this gaping whole like someone in our family is missing. I have been keeping my body and mind busy and I have been happy. I am so blessed to have the 3 kids I have, and I have learned to not take them for granted. I have learned a lot from this trial, I have been doing pretty good with my feelings and emotions, been handling them as they come but last night and today have been extremely hard. I know things will get better, but at the moment they just plain suck.
Good things have been happening lately, like the kids getting into the school of our choice. We had some issues with the school that the kids are suppose to go to, like the choice that the district made to get rid of recess for 1st-6th graders, because they tested the lowest in the state so they think the kids need more classroom time, not to mention there school's communication skills were definitely lacking. Anyway I was thrilled when I went to this new school, a friend suggested it I was impressed the moment I walked in the door. The secretary was awesome she was quick to answer all my questions, and listen to my concerns, she also checked to see if they had room for my kids in there grades. They had to go over the IEP's to make sure that they gave the services requested and had the funds for some services requested. The next day I got the call that they had been excepted and I just needed to go in and sign a request form so they could get all the kids records from their previous school. When I went in I got to meet the principal, and she is pretty awesome, when going over the IEP's she didn't know if they had the funding for the aid that is required for Kaleb, their district representitive was out on vacation and she didn't want to wait 2 weeks to find out, so she called the district to find out if the funding was there when she couldn't get anyone to answer the phones she decided to go down and talk to someone about it in person how awesome is that!? Now that's service.
The secretary showed me around the school, were the kids classrooms are gonna be, she also gave me the # for the special ed teacher, and for Kaleb's aide, information that I could not get from the other school. The kids are super excited, even though they are gonna have to get up by 6 and be to school by 7:30ish. I think I am the one that's gonna have the harder time, last year Ryne didn't have to be to the bus stop till 8:30 so we had plenty of time, and 9x's out of 10 I just rolled out of bed in my jammies and walked her to her stop, now I will have to drive them. I decided it's not that bad the school is 10 mins away, and by going to school so early they get out earlier 2:15 which I think is nice cause that will give them more time to do home work and chores and have time to play before dinner and bedtime. I also think that since Ellie will have to get up so early she will start taking naps again.
We are going school supply shopping on Friday, the kids are thrilled. I figured I would take just Ryne and Kaleb and let Ellie have some quality daddy daughter time. We also got an appointment for Kaleb at the Melmed Center in November yes November I know it's awhile away but that's how far they are bookin out, I'm just glad we were able to get that appointment, plus this way Dane will have new vacation time and he can take the day off since the Melmed center is in Scottsdale and we have the other 3 kids that will need to be taken care of. The gal I talked to said the appointment will be 1 hr 1/2 - 2 hrs but by the time we leave we will l have a diagnosis and treatment plan no dragging it out.
Besides getting ready for school I have been busy gettin ready for an up coming boutique, and I have been working on aprons for my etsy shop. Here are some aprons I did for a friend, they turned out pretty good for wiggin it and making up my own patterns. So good things are happening, and I know I need to focus more on that and I think once this month is past me I will be able too.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
Part 3
Ok so next up was Father's Day the kids were pretty bummed that we weren't with daddy again this year. We did go out and get him a present the kids decided on a small tent, since he doesn't need the big family one for scout camps and the Father's and Sons camp out that they have every year, plus the family one is a pain to put up by yourself. K-mart happened to be having a sell on their tents, so that was nice. I had the kids hold the tent while I recorded them saying happy father's day, then we sent it to daddy before heading out to church. I know Dane really appreciated it.
Grandpa wasn't feeling to good on father's day and the kids were dyin to give him his presents and stuff, after we had dinner it was time and they were so willing to help grandpa open his presents!
This trip to Idaho I decided I would like to take the kids to the Hogle Zoo in Salt Lake I loved that zoo growing up we used to go all the time. Ethan and I packed a lunch and headed the 2 hrs to Salt Lake, the kids watched movies the whole time so it wasn't so bad, we sat in the parking lot and ate lunch before going into the zoo we figured that way we wouldn't have to lug around an ice chest.
It's been about 14 yrs since I had been to that zoo, nothing was familiar about it, all the habitats have been re done there were quite a few animals that weren't there anymore, but it was neat to see all the changes.The kids had a blast here are a few of my fave pics from the day:
It was really neat to see this Elephant stretch her trunk to reach the melons the zoo worker was throwing in the water.
Ellie like the Elephants, she kept saying "whoa dat's big!"
K funny story with this next picture actually 2 funny stories. This T-Rex would growl and roar at passersby Kaleb was quick to point out that the actual dinosaur wasn't making the noise and was quick to point out the speakers hidden up in the tree's! He didn't want to spoil it for the other kids so he kept his discovery to himself and of course me. Ellie got a big kick out of this big dinosaur's growls, she stood a few feet from him stood on her tip toes leaned forward and with as much breath as she could muster she roared her biggest roar, turning red in the process, it was a cute site to see but the best part was when the t-rex roared his biggest roar right back at her! Ellie was quick to turn on her hills and RUN! It was the funniest thing EVER, anyone that was watchin couldn't help but laugh! I wish I would have had my camera out, it would have been a great shot to get.
We went in to the snake habitat's Ellie was of course with her favorite Uncle Ethan, he took her over to see the snakes her quick response when he pointed them out od "eeeewwww YUCK!" now every time you ask her what a snake says she responds with "ewwww sssssss YUCK!". My thoughts exactly!
The kids were exhausted by the end of the day, but they had so much fun. Kaleb's favorite thing was the dinosaurs, Ryne's was the peacocks and Ellie's was thesnakes monkeys. It was a nice day and we had a nice quiet ride home.
Grandpa wasn't feeling to good on father's day and the kids were dyin to give him his presents and stuff, after we had dinner it was time and they were so willing to help grandpa open his presents!
This trip to Idaho I decided I would like to take the kids to the Hogle Zoo in Salt Lake I loved that zoo growing up we used to go all the time. Ethan and I packed a lunch and headed the 2 hrs to Salt Lake, the kids watched movies the whole time so it wasn't so bad, we sat in the parking lot and ate lunch before going into the zoo we figured that way we wouldn't have to lug around an ice chest.
It's been about 14 yrs since I had been to that zoo, nothing was familiar about it, all the habitats have been re done there were quite a few animals that weren't there anymore, but it was neat to see all the changes.The kids had a blast here are a few of my fave pics from the day:
It was really neat to see this Elephant stretch her trunk to reach the melons the zoo worker was throwing in the water.
K funny story with this next picture actually 2 funny stories. This T-Rex would growl and roar at passersby Kaleb was quick to point out that the actual dinosaur wasn't making the noise and was quick to point out the speakers hidden up in the tree's! He didn't want to spoil it for the other kids so he kept his discovery to himself and of course me. Ellie got a big kick out of this big dinosaur's growls, she stood a few feet from him stood on her tip toes leaned forward and with as much breath as she could muster she roared her biggest roar, turning red in the process, it was a cute site to see but the best part was when the t-rex roared his biggest roar right back at her! Ellie was quick to turn on her hills and RUN! It was the funniest thing EVER, anyone that was watchin couldn't help but laugh! I wish I would have had my camera out, it would have been a great shot to get.
The kids were exhausted by the end of the day, but they had so much fun. Kaleb's favorite thing was the dinosaurs, Ryne's was the peacocks and Ellie's was the
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Our trip to "The Land of DOOoooooM!" Part 2
We went to the Ross Park Zoo in Pocatello with Stephanie and her twins. The kids had fun, I'll I have to say is whoever thought building the zoo on a hill was a good idea obviously didn't try pushing a stroller with 3 kids in it (sit n stand stroller) up the hills. Boy my calves were burnin that night!
They had fun diggin for dinosaurs bones!
There was a worker sprayin down the cages this bear was lovin the water he would wait till she sprayed her way then he would walk over and bask in the coolness of the water. The kids watched for a good 5 mins, it was quite entertaining.
Don't be fooled by Kaleb's face he was thrilled to be holding little Ethan, he's sad that he doesn't have his own brother.
She's a natural.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Our trip to "The Land of DOOoooooM!" Part I
When we arrived at my mom's the sky was black, and the wind was blowing horrendously. While I was relaxing on the couch talking with my parents Kaleb runs in from outside and says "Mom, I think we came to the wrong place. This isn't Idaho it's the land of doooooooom." he said doom loud then faded out it was classic. I thought it was hilarious and of course decided to blog it.
The drive up wasn't bad at all, the kids and I left at 4 am on the 26th of May. I know what your thinking "HOLY CRAP that's EARLY" and you would be right it was, but my hubby was able to help me get everyone loaded in the car. We made really good time and got to Mesquite by 12, we had a room right next to the pool which was great for letting the kids get their wiggles out. We didn't have an incident were the kids called 911 with the hotel phone while I was sleeping, a security guard woke me up to make sure all was good! Anyway we were in bed by 8 up and out of Mesquite by 7, again with just a few potty stops we made good time and got to my parents by about 4.
We went to the Fire Station open house in Pocatello and of course the kids had a blast, Ellie even got to shoot the fire hose.
Ellie was afraid of the dog this year!
In case you were wondering, she has ketchup on her face!
A couple days later my friend Stephanie came over and brought her totally huggable twins Harlee and Husdon, my girls were in heaven!
I love this one of Ellie and Harlee!
Ellie was so sad when they left she stood on the porch and cried "my babies!".
Stayed tuned for more posts about our trip to "the land of doooooom" seriously so fun to say!
The drive up wasn't bad at all, the kids and I left at 4 am on the 26th of May. I know what your thinking "HOLY CRAP that's EARLY" and you would be right it was, but my hubby was able to help me get everyone loaded in the car. We made really good time and got to Mesquite by 12, we had a room right next to the pool which was great for letting the kids get their wiggles out. We didn't have an incident were the kids called 911 with the hotel phone while I was sleeping, a security guard woke me up to make sure all was good! Anyway we were in bed by 8 up and out of Mesquite by 7, again with just a few potty stops we made good time and got to my parents by about 4.
We went to the Fire Station open house in Pocatello and of course the kids had a blast, Ellie even got to shoot the fire hose.
A couple days later my friend Stephanie came over and brought her totally huggable twins Harlee and Husdon, my girls were in heaven!
Stayed tuned for more posts about our trip to "the land of doooooom" seriously so fun to say!
Friday, July 8, 2011
Glad to be home, or not!
We got home from our trip on Wednesday I wish I could say the trip home was un-eventful and a breeze but alas what fun would there be if it was!? We had a good 4Th well at least most of us did, we went tubing down the Portnef, Dana tipped over twice he hurt is foot in the process, we thought it was broken he could barely put any pressure on it, luckily it's not. I ended up packing the car by myself on the 5th, I had hoped to be gone by 9, 10 at the latest, of course things didn't go as planned and we didn't leave until 12:30, but I didn't care I was happy to be on the road. I drove for a little while then Dane took over (thank goodness), we were just outside of Springfield when we decided to stop for a potty break and something to eat, as we were pulling off the road our car started to shake our first thought was we had a flat we got out and checked everything looked fine. We took everyone to the potty and then went through the drive through (we got free ice cream for the long wait), with food in hand we got back on the freeway only to have our front right tire exploded and I am not using that word lightly pieces of the tire flew, you could here the rim scrapping on the road. I may have said a few choice words and held on tightly to the OSH (oh sh*t handle), I am so glad Dane was driving, he kept the car under control till we could safely pull over.
You can probably guess that we had to pretty much unload the car to get the spare and jack, I wasn't very happy about it but what do ya do!? So we were kinda laughing about what a pain it was a sayin well it could be worse like we could be in Arizona in 115 degree heat changing the flat, I laughed pointed and the big white fluffy clouds said well at least it's not raining and less then a minute later it started to you guessed it RAIN!!! I held the umbrella over Dane while he changed the tire. It took us about an hour from the time we pulled off the road to get the tire changed and the car re-packed (I actually did a better job this time), and with that we were off!
We made it to Mesquite by about 9:30p.m. everyone was tired and hungry, so we ate and went to bed, and of course things wouldn't be complete without a sleep deprived momma so Ellie woke up around 4 throwing a tantrum and Kaleb quickly followed by peeing the bed. My plan was to get up around 6 and hit the road, but I should have known better then to try and plan anything, I didn't get to sleep till about 5:30 and slept in till about 8 by the time we ate and got packed up it was 10, but honestly I didn't really care, we weren't in a hurry.
We got home about 6:30, everyone was so happy when the house came into few, we all hooped and hollered and shouted for joy, little did we know what awaited us inside! Dane and the kids made it into the house before I did and quickly discovered that the power had been out, all the food in the fridge was rotten and some was even oozing FANTASTIC!!!! The heat in the house was intense and the smell even more so, I ended up opening all the windows, the hot breeze from outside actually felt pretty cool in the house. So here was the deal with the power, we have M-Power which is a back that plugs inside your house and you have a little card that you put money on and load it into the box to keep the power going, Dane loaded a $100 onto the card and thought he loaded it the day he left, we learned that the card was faulty and the money didn't load so the power was shut off the day after Dane left so the power was out for 5 days, it was soooo GROSS!! We were able to get a duplicate card made and the $100 was credited, so that was a relief, but then we had to deal with the fact that we had spent the last $50 we had on power(before we got the $100 back), so we had no money to replenish out fridge, I am so grateful for really great friends and church that helped us out, we should be good till payday next Friday,
So things are better today, I spent all day yesterday cleaning,scrubbing, unpacking, and doing laundry, I am almost caught up today. I have tons of pics from the trip, as soon as I find my camera cord and have time I will blog them, along with more fun stories.
I took Kaleb to the pediatrician today, we decided to change to a new office and Dr. we weren't happy with the office or Dr. we had before. A friend recommended this new office to us and I was so pleased the nurses and Dr. were absolutely AWESOME, they were very patient and made both Kaleb and I very comfortable. When I brought up my concerns about Kaleb the Dr. actually listened to me and didn't make me feel like was overreacting. He agreed that Kaleb does have ADHD but he feels that there is more to it than that, Aspergers and a couple other possibilities were brought up and we have been recommended to a specialist, it's a busy place and it will take us a month or so to get in, but at least we are on the track to finding out some answers and to get Kaleb(and us) the help he(we) need. Other than the issues I brought up, he is healthy and strong.
You can probably guess that we had to pretty much unload the car to get the spare and jack, I wasn't very happy about it but what do ya do!? So we were kinda laughing about what a pain it was a sayin well it could be worse like we could be in Arizona in 115 degree heat changing the flat, I laughed pointed and the big white fluffy clouds said well at least it's not raining and less then a minute later it started to you guessed it RAIN!!! I held the umbrella over Dane while he changed the tire. It took us about an hour from the time we pulled off the road to get the tire changed and the car re-packed (I actually did a better job this time), and with that we were off!
We made it to Mesquite by about 9:30p.m. everyone was tired and hungry, so we ate and went to bed, and of course things wouldn't be complete without a sleep deprived momma so Ellie woke up around 4 throwing a tantrum and Kaleb quickly followed by peeing the bed. My plan was to get up around 6 and hit the road, but I should have known better then to try and plan anything, I didn't get to sleep till about 5:30 and slept in till about 8 by the time we ate and got packed up it was 10, but honestly I didn't really care, we weren't in a hurry.
We got home about 6:30, everyone was so happy when the house came into few, we all hooped and hollered and shouted for joy, little did we know what awaited us inside! Dane and the kids made it into the house before I did and quickly discovered that the power had been out, all the food in the fridge was rotten and some was even oozing FANTASTIC!!!! The heat in the house was intense and the smell even more so, I ended up opening all the windows, the hot breeze from outside actually felt pretty cool in the house. So here was the deal with the power, we have M-Power which is a back that plugs inside your house and you have a little card that you put money on and load it into the box to keep the power going, Dane loaded a $100 onto the card and thought he loaded it the day he left, we learned that the card was faulty and the money didn't load so the power was shut off the day after Dane left so the power was out for 5 days, it was soooo GROSS!! We were able to get a duplicate card made and the $100 was credited, so that was a relief, but then we had to deal with the fact that we had spent the last $50 we had on power(before we got the $100 back), so we had no money to replenish out fridge, I am so grateful for really great friends and church that helped us out, we should be good till payday next Friday,
So things are better today, I spent all day yesterday cleaning,scrubbing, unpacking, and doing laundry, I am almost caught up today. I have tons of pics from the trip, as soon as I find my camera cord and have time I will blog them, along with more fun stories.
I took Kaleb to the pediatrician today, we decided to change to a new office and Dr. we weren't happy with the office or Dr. we had before. A friend recommended this new office to us and I was so pleased the nurses and Dr. were absolutely AWESOME, they were very patient and made both Kaleb and I very comfortable. When I brought up my concerns about Kaleb the Dr. actually listened to me and didn't make me feel like was overreacting. He agreed that Kaleb does have ADHD but he feels that there is more to it than that, Aspergers and a couple other possibilities were brought up and we have been recommended to a specialist, it's a busy place and it will take us a month or so to get in, but at least we are on the track to finding out some answers and to get Kaleb(and us) the help he(we) need. Other than the issues I brought up, he is healthy and strong.
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