Emotions

I haven't really felt like blogging lately and I figure that's why I should. It's just like when you really don't feel like going to church (or you just plain don't want to) that's when you need to go and when you do you feel so much better. Well hopefully this will make me feel better. There has been a lot going on lately more to other people then directly to me ,but never the less I am emotionally exhausted. When I say emotionally exhausted I mean I can't control my emotions at all, one minute I am happy as a clam and the next I could be in tears, angry, frustrated, or just not really care at all (and no I am not pregnant, I wish I was at least then I would have an answer for why). I think I am just overloaded, but it seems like I shouldn't be since these events haven't happened to me directly therefore I feel that they shouldn't effect me in such ways. Even though I am struggling with my feelings and emotions I feel good (sounds weird right), the reason I say this is that I have never really been a huge emotional person, I never really cried at sappy love moves (most the time I thought them silly and embarrassing), and I had been to many funerals and never cried, I have usually only cried when I have been in physical pain, and I have never really understood why.

I have spent many hours on my knees praying for some revelation as to why I am this way, is it because I am just hard and callous?, or because I just push my feelings inside?and why am I struggling now what has changed? On Sunday I felt the need to bear my testimony, which is really huge for me the last time I bore my testimony was in 2000 just after my grandmother died. I honestly didn't know what I was going to say and I was scared out of my mind. While I was bearing my testimony, I got my answer, I had just been afraid to let the spirit in and when I finally bore my testimony I was filled with the spirit never in my life have I felt it so strong and it was wonderful! I do think that I have just pushed my feelings inside afraid that I will get hurt, or laughed at, or just told that I am over reacting, but the spirit helped me to realize that that doesn't matter and I am missing out on a lot by not allowing my feelings to show. And now that I have finally realized all this I am not sure how to turn them off again! Not that I want to turn them off but at least slow the flow a little so I can get a handle on them. I am truly grateful for this revelation, and for my Heavenly Father prayers are truly answered we may have to struggle awhile before we see how he has answered us. There have been many times when I have felt prompted to bear my testimony but have always talked myself out of it, and I was denying myself of something truly wonderful, and all because I was afraid, there is no reason to be afraid when you have Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ on your side.