8 years!!!

Today Dana and I celebrate our 8th year anniversary!!

I have to say this year has been the toughest and best year. We have been through a lot this year for anyone who doesn't know we had 2 miscarriages one in Sept 2010 (6weeks) and February 2011(16 weeks a boy), my heart broke shattered. Dana picked up all the pieces and is helping me put them back together, this is the hardest trial we have had to endure so far in our marriage but it has made us stronger and brought us close together as a couple and a family.

The other day Ellie was watching one of her princess movies the line "true love conquers all" stood out in my mind I know there are many times when I have laughed at this and never really taken it seriously. As I look back at this year I can truly say I feel that our love for each other did conquer this trial, love does make you stronger, even though we struggled our love held us together. Our love grew stronger, we have a much deeper appreciation and understanding of each other now than we did before. I am so blessed to have Dana in my life to love me and to pick me up when I am down, our marriage is far from perfect we make mistakes and we have our trials but that's part of the journey if everything was easy then what would we learn? Happy 8 years to my hubby Dana Lamps I love you and can't wait for more years to come!

ALA Holiday Boutique

I'm gonna be at this boutique today come see me and all the beautiful crochet Christmas Ornaments I made just for this even!

Diagnosis & more details.

Yesterday's appointment was very informational and not as terrifying as I had geared up for. The Dr. was very thorough, she answered all of our questions and concerns, she didn't talk down to us or say we were imagining things. She thinks Kaleb is a good and intelligent little boy, very funny and imaginative, she had fun working with him.  We talked of many things and really focused on our biggest concerns his ad-version to other kids, his lack of focus, his constant leg pain and occasional involuntary movements, and his sensory issues.

As she observed while we talked she determined that ADHD is definitely a factor, but it isn't the only factor he scored way above normal on the autism evaluation form he has many autistic tendencies she explained the Autism Spectrum to us and thinks he is some were between Autism and PDD-NOS. At first sight she said he looks more like Aspergers but doesn't quite fit into the category because of his speech and language delays which are not typical in children with Aspergers. She explained that the ADHD can also be the cause of his language and social delays it could be that he is active and inattentive, so it may not be that he doesn't have any empathy for others, or can't read social cues,  it could be that he is on the go all the time and doesn't stop and wait for a reaction or response from others.

We also have Kaleb's sensory issues that make a diagnosis difficult, she mentioned that it sounded like sensory integration disorder but this isn't really a diagnosis and there isn't much to be done for it, he will just have to learn how to live with it. Along with the sensory issues we have the leg problems he complains often of his legs hurting it seems deep pressure is the only thing that gives relief and usually just briefly, now this can be many things he could have Anemia, it could be related to his Thyroid, Restless Leg Syndrome could also be a factor, or he could just be lacking certain vitamins that his body needs, she will be order some lab work to find out more but wants to wait till after he has been tested for Autism in-case any more work needs to be added.

By the end of the appointment ADHD was given as one diagnosis, we know that won't be the only one he has but it does give us a starting point. She gave us information on ADHD and things that can help, she recommended change of diet, and visual charts to help him with tasks,she also wants him the have speech and OT therapy aside from school, specifically to work with his sensory issues, at this point we aren't doing meds because along with the above mentioned issues (anemia, thyroid, RLS) we have bi-polar tendencies and depression in our family's background that could be affected by medications for the bad as much as the good. I like that his Dr. stresses is that medications are not a cure, they are not meant to make your child into a zombie, they are meant to be used as a tool along with other tools (therapy, diet change etc) to help him to learn self control.

As you have probably notice this is A LOT of info to take in, I want to educated myself as much as I can before our next appointment, if you have or know someone that knows about any of the things mentioned above I would love for you to share. I'm also looking for any websites or books on these topics, if you have any recommendations I would greatly appreciate it.

I am so thankful to my family and many friends that have showed us support and given us uplifting words of advise, you truly are my strength! I am "overwhelmed and relieved" as a friend of mine put it, what seemed impossible to handle before seems doable now, we have some answers and a place to start, we are going to have to make a lot of adjustments as a family but I know we can. I have felt a renewal of hope since yesterdays appointment, things will get better.

 November 10th has been a long awaited day, it's the day we take Kaleb to a specialist. We have had the appointment for months and have been wanting it to come and go, things with Kaleb have gotten intense, frustrating and sometimes even impossible. I love my son, it is really hard to see how much he struggles with everyday things that most kids don't even have to think about. I hate seeing how people young and old look at him as if he has the plague, it breaks my heart to see him off in a corner by himself then playing with other kids. He is already very aware that he is different that people look down at him because he doesn't do things "the proper way". He comes home from school almost everyday sad that some of the kids in a class call him a baby cause he sucks his thumb or weird because he has a hair fetish, they don't understand that sucking his thumb is something at this point in his life calms him down and brings him back to reality, and rubbing and playing with hair is much like a comfort blanket or favorite stuffed animal it makes him feel safe and gives him comfort, he doesn't do it to be weird he does it because he can't help it and he doesn't know what else to do.

I hate how my son won't even look me in the eyes, that he can't concentrate on simple tasks, that he is constantly saying that he hates his sisters because they aren't like him and realizing he doesn't like himself because he isn't like them. I hate how he cries at night because his legs hurt and won't stop moving, how anything sets him off you never know what to say or how to comfort him and dammit I want to comfort my child when he is upset! We desperately need help there is something wrong with my child and he needs help, understanding and compassion. It's funny to me how people don't give those things unless there is an obvious reason too, they have to see a physical problem and that's not fair, but then again when is life fair? I dislike that in order to have people give my son a fair chance at life he needs to be labeled, he needs to have something wrong with him. I'm not taking him to the Dr. to have him labeled for other people but for me and for him so that we can know how to help him and so that he will know that a label doesn't define him, he may be autistic or ADD/ADHD but that isn't who he is he can overcome it and do whatever he wants in life regardless of the label and what others think.

Kaleb has the most incredible imagination, he dreams up the funniest and coolest things at the drop of a hat, he sees things differently, he can take a stressful situation and turn it into a happy one, he has the ability to make me laugh in an instant. I love how he plays with my hair and tells me he loves me, I love how sensitive he his to his sisters, how he's willing to give up something to make someone else happy, I love how he is active, healthy and strong, how he is a new super hero everyday, I love the big words he uses and knows the meanings of. I love my son, he may be corky, different, and a little odd but I love him for who he is, he wouldn't be Kaleb without the good and bad traits.

I'm anxious and a little scared about tomorrow's appointment, no one wants to be told there is something wrong with their child. I've realized that I've always known that Kaleb was different I just haven't known how to help him. This appointment is to know how to better help him, to make him successful in life, I know it's going to be a long hard road with lot's of obstacles to get over but I know with help we can get through it.

HaPpY HOWL- O -WEEN!!

Yesterday was such a fun day, I have to admit I wasn't really looking forward to how busy the day was going to be, but everything turned out great!

First up for kicking off a fun Halloween day was the kids class parties. I volunteered in Kaleb's classroom cause I was able to take Ellie with me. Kaleb was the first to get to play pin the stem on the pumpkin, he was thrilled!

 So close!!!

 I snuck out of Kaleb's party and ran to Ryne's to get some pics. She's showing me her finger puppet bat. Her class went around each desk and went trick or treating she as so thrilled!

 Ellie even made out with a bag of treats!!

After the festivities were over we headed home were I made the kids do their homework, lame right!! Then I surprised the kids with making pumpkin pizza's for dinner they loved them and we all had fun making them.

Ok so they really turned out more like smiley face pizza's but the kids loved them anyway!

After dinner I got started on Ryne's hair and Ellie got a head start on her makeup!

Kaleb decided he wanted me to make him look like Jack Sparrow, so we used some black face paint and some of my makeup and eyeliner for his make up, sorry I don't have a close up pic of his face. Once his face was done and after daddy wiped off Ellie's make up job I re-did her make up, everyone got in their costumes and they were rearin to go!

 Dana stayed home and handed out candy this year since I stayed home last year. The kids got a ton of compliments on their costumes. They all did great while trick or treating, Kaleb introduced himself to anyone he didn't know so that they were no longer strangers then he would accept their candy. Ellie ran off once or tried to run off really she turned to run and there was teenager dressed as a zombie it freaked her out and she came runnin back to momma! After we said thank you for the candy Ryne would say "Happy Halloween MUWAAAAAAA!" everyone got a kick out of it. Ellie was a trooper she carried her bag the whole time till the last street, I offered to carry it but she wouldn't let me her solution was to have me carry her while she carried her bag!!

They were all tuckered out when we got home, they all had baths and went right to bed. While Dane and I watched movies I made a comment about how nicely they all went to bed, and of course minutes later Ellie rolled off her bed and was awake till 12:30 a.m.!! Oh well we still had a