Shedding Light on The Lamps Family

 November 10th has been a long awaited day, it's the day we take Kaleb to a specialist. We have had the appointment for months and have been wanting it to come and go, things with Kaleb have gotten intense, frustrating and sometimes even impossible. I love my son, it is really hard to see how much he struggles with everyday things that most kids don't even have to think about. I hate seeing how people young and old look at him as if he has the plague, it breaks my heart to see him off in a corner by himself then playing with other kids. He is already very aware that he is different that people look down at him because he doesn't do things "the proper way". He comes home from school almost everyday sad that some of the kids in a class call him a baby cause he sucks his thumb or weird because he has a hair fetish, they don't understand that sucking his thumb is something at this point in his life calms him down and brings him back to reality, and rubbing and playing with hair is much like a comfort blanket or favorite stuffed animal it makes him feel safe and gives him comfort, he doesn't do it to be weird he does it because he can't help it and he doesn't know what else to do.

I hate how my son won't even look me in the eyes, that he can't concentrate on simple tasks, that he is constantly saying that he hates his sisters because they aren't like him and realizing he doesn't like himself because he isn't like them. I hate how he cries at night because his legs hurt and won't stop moving, how anything sets him off you never know what to say or how to comfort him and dammit I want to comfort my child when he is upset! We desperately need help there is something wrong with my child and he needs help, understanding and compassion. It's funny to me how people don't give those things unless there is an obvious reason too, they have to see a physical problem and that's not fair, but then again when is life fair? I dislike that in order to have people give my son a fair chance at life he needs to be labeled, he needs to have something wrong with him. I'm not taking him to the Dr. to have him labeled for other people but for me and for him so that we can know how to help him and so that he will know that a label doesn't define him, he may be autistic or ADD/ADHD but that isn't who he is he can overcome it and do whatever he wants in life regardless of the label and what others think.

Kaleb has the most incredible imagination, he dreams up the funniest and coolest things at the drop of a hat, he sees things differently, he can take a stressful situation and turn it into a happy one, he has the ability to make me laugh in an instant. I love how he plays with my hair and tells me he loves me, I love how sensitive he his to his sisters, how he's willing to give up something to make someone else happy, I love how he is active, healthy and strong, how he is a new super hero everyday, I love the big words he uses and knows the meanings of. I love my son, he may be corky, different, and a little odd but I love him for who he is, he wouldn't be Kaleb without the good and bad traits.

I'm anxious and a little scared about tomorrow's appointment, no one wants to be told there is something wrong with their child. I've realized that I've always known that Kaleb was different I just haven't known how to help him. This appointment is to know how to better help him, to make him successful in life, I know it's going to be a long hard road with lot's of obstacles to get over but I know with help we can get through it.