I could say that things have been super busy and crazy and that's the reason I haven't blogged, but I would be lying and I was taught to tell no lies! I guess it would be a half truth, cause things were super busy before we left for Idaho and I didn't get a chance to blog about the kids graduations and Kaleb's. But things have been pretty slow since I got my to my parents I have had plenty of time to blog I just haven't been feelin it.

We went to the fire house in Pocatello today we did it last year too, but this year it wasn't raining (surprisingly)! I thought it was cooler this year, it was more organized, with more stuff to do. I had my camera this time so I have pictures, but I didn't bring my cord to hook up to the computer so sadly no pictures, well at least for now I'm hoping the hubs will send the cord. The kids had fun Ryne and Kaleb dressed up again, Ellie was happy with her sucker and balloon. They had a little trailer that you went into, they went over fire safety then filled the room with smoke and had the kids practice what they just learned, Ellie and I waited outside and watched as they climbed out a window. There was another trailer that simulated a tornado and we learned what to do if we are ever caught in one. All three kids got to shoot water from the fire hose, Ellie was mesmerized by it. We had hot dogs for lunch then headed home (after stoppin at Wal-mart and K-mart. Tomorrow we go to the Mountain Man Rendezvous I will take some pics with my phone.

Camp outs, meetings and pains

This weekend is the Father and Sons camp out, Kaleb has been dying for this weekend to get here. He has been asking me every weekend for the last 2 months if it was time to go camping. This is his day with his dad "no silly sisters aloud!". The Father and Sons has come at a perfect time this year, cause we are leaving for Idaho next week {squeal} and this gives Dane a chance to connect with Kaleb and it gives me a little break! I look forward to this weekend every year, I get to have a little break from Kaleb don't get me wrong I love him with everything I have but is a difficult kid to handle. I also deep clean my house before they go, cause it stays clean the WHOLE weekend (it proves to me that boys are a lot messier than girls).

Ryne is mutually excited, she can't wait to have a girls night with mom and Ellie, she's decided on homemade pizza and brownies for dinner, then some nail painting, wii games and " a chick movie" to end the night. I am excited to spend the weekend with my girls (including the dogs), we always have a lot of fun together.

This week has been FULL of MET and IEP meetings, Ryne's was a short and sweet half hr meeting, Kaleb's has been split into 3 meetings that's right 3. It's insane especially with everything else we have going on, his last meeting is on the 25th then we are off to Idaho till July. I learned some new things about Kaleb today, I got some advice and lot's of encouragement that I am on the right track with getting Kaleb into a specialist.

 Last night I was up with Kaleb till 4 a.m. his legs wouldn't stop moving, they were in constant motion, he cried nearly the whole time complaining about how bad they hurt. I ended up laying across his legs to get them to stop, the added pressure helped immensely and with the help of some Tylenol he relaxed enough to get back to sleep. It was a long night, it's been a long day and we are only half way through it!

I figure I will get to relax with the girls later, so for now I am keeping busy with cleaning, and laundry. I hope you all have a fantastic weekend!!

Don't take advantage of my friends!!

I have a neighbor who I love dearly, my kids call her "grandma Doreen" she is just plain AWESOME. She is kind to all the kids in the neighborhood, whenever the kids need a little money she usually always has a job for them to do. I get really frustrated when the kids take advantage of her, for instance a boy that lives right across from me went to her and asked if he could do her weeds, of course she said yes but then he said he really needed the money right then so being the kind lady she is gave him the money on the promise that he would do her weeds that was 4 WEEKS ago and the weeds have yet to be done!

What's really sad is that his dad is the maintenance manager in the park, he knows that he son is suppose to do the weeds yet he hasn't made sure it has gotten done. If my neighbor gets a notice or if the dad (of the kid that was suppose to do it) does it then she will be charged by the park we live in which is total and complete CRAP!!! I decided yesterday that I couldn't stand it in longer so today I am going to do the weeds, which is funny cause I got a call from my neighbor asking if they had been done yet of course the answer was no, she asked if I wanted to earn some extra money and of course I said no cause seriously she shouldn't have to pay TWICE for 1 job. I wouldn't want her to pay me anyway, she can't do it herself it's do in my mind the neighborly thing to do is to just do the weeds when I do my own, so that's it my mind has been made up she will no longer have to pay ANYONE to do her weeds.

I found out yesterday that the same kid had gotten paid by someone else to do there weeds and guess what he NEVER did it, they ended up having to go out and do it themselves. My plan is to wait for this kid to get home from school, I will be outside doing her weeds as he is walking home. And I swear if either one of his parents say a dang word about it I will be pissed!!! I mean if my child was paid to do a job, I as the parent would make sure the job was done even if that meant doing the job myself and making him do extra chores at home to make up for it or I would make him do it the rest of the year FREE of charge!! Ok I am going to step off my soap box now, I just needed to get that out I just get so angry when people try and take advantage of other people!

Heart

This morning on our way out the door Kaleb asked me "mom did you loose your heart?", stunned I stared wide eyed. After a minute I found my voice and asked him why he thought that, this was his answer "cause the baby in your tummy died, and it was like it was your heart.". Wow I honestly had no answer, I got emotional. Dana answered him, I have no idea what was said cause I just went numb, my head was swirling with questions, frustration and doubts of my ability as a mother.

It amazes me how observant children are, things have been harder for me this month, if I hadn't have lost the baby in September I would be expecting this month. It has been especially hard for me, but I didn't realize how much that showed. I have been trying my best to show my love for my kids, but I have to admit my patience has been very thin lately, I'm easily agitated and I'm not always in the moment. I have been very forgetful lately, I'm glad my kids are old enough to tell me(or show me) what they want or need. My mind keeps wandering to places I haven't let my self go before, and the only way to stop it is to keep myself busy with other things, like laundry dishes, blogging, it all helps to take my mind off things, but it also keeps me from being there for my kids.

I'm worried now that my kids don't think I love them. I talked with Kaleb and asked him why he thought I had lost my heart,  he said "your not as fun as you use to be, and you say no a lot". This summer the kids and I are going to Idaho, it's going to be great I am really excited and I think I will take the time I am going to have with them to heart. I will try and play with them more, and to listen to all they have to say before giving an answer. I know eventually I need to let myself think and feel all that I am keeping locked up, that's what this trip is for I NEED my family and friends that are in Idaho. I to take a step back from all the crap here in Arizona, so that I can deal with it when I come back.

I promised Kaleb that things will get better, I know they will because I have been promised the same thing by my Father in Heaven and I know in there right time everything will be fine and work out the way it's suppose too, I love my family and the insight of my 5 yr old he has given me a lot to think about.

Today is Kaleb's last day of pre-school EVER! I can't believe it he's going to be in kindergarten next year and Ryne will be in first grade HOLY CRAP I can't believe how fast they are growing. Both kids are excited for their new adventures, and of course they aren't sweatin it like mom is.

I have been reserved when it comes to Kaleb starting kindergarten honestly I'm scared. Most of you will say that's normal, just about all parents feel that way when their 5 yr goes to kindergarten. But I never felt this way for Ryne I was so excited for her, and maybe a little nervous but not scared. This last year there have been many concerns from the teachers and therapists that work with Kaleb daily, he is VERY VERY smart, but he has no self control, he doesn't play well with other kids (except Logan), he is an emotional roller coaster. Of course the teachers and therapists can't come out and say what they think might be the issue, they can only let me know their concerns and hope I look into it more and get him the help he needs.I needed to know a direction to go in so I talked to his teacher "unofficially" she brought up ADD, ADHD and Apserger's could be possibilities. When she told me theses possibilities my gut feeling lingered with one, I won't say which one it is at this time, I want to know more first.

I have been fighting with Doctors and insurance this whole year trying to get him into a specialist, but that was proving to be more difficult than I thought it would be. In order to have him see a specialist we need to have a referral. I voiced my concerns with his pediatrician she shrugged it off and told me he was just a typical little boy (after observing him for a total of 5 mins). I should have pushed more, but I didn't cause honestly I didn't want there to be anything wrong, I figured she was the Doctor she would know if there was something "different" about Kaleb. So I put it off till the next IEP meeting when again concerns were voiced, he wasn't doing much better than before, his behaviors had gotten worse.

The next week Kaleb started OT at school and he started to do better, they quickly learned that a lot of his fidgeting and restlessness was do to over-stimulation . I took this information back to the pediatrician, she said it could be Sensory Integration Dysfunction, but said she didn't think it was and wouldn't recommend us to anyone. Again she only observed him for a couple of mins before coming to this decision.   I got frustrated and took him to another pediatrician, I was basically told that I was over reacting, (even though I had all the concerns from the teachers in writing) and the concerns were once again dismissed. I was told that he was a "typical 3 yr old" I laughed out loud when he told me this, he looked shocked and a little irritated I looked him in the eye and said "That would be good news if he wasn't five." I got up and walked out.

I called the insurance to see if there was anyway I could get him to a specialist without a referral and was pretty much told no, I had to "go through the proper channels" . My thought at this point was "proper channels SUCK". I couldn't get another opinion cause with the insurance(AHCCCS)  he could only change Dr.'s once a year. The teachers and I have pulled together and tried to do our best, but we all know he needs more help.

We have been fortunate this year to get some raises with Dana's work, and we are now finally able to afford to put the kids on his work insurance. We have just had to wait for the state to kick the kids off of AHCCCS, the waiting is finally over. Dane enrolled the kids last week we do have to wait for a couple of weeks before we can use the insurance. A friend of mine suggested a really good pediatrician the specializes with kids with ADD, ADHD and so on, so I will start there and hopefully before he starts school in August we will have some answers and hopefully more help. I know I don't have a PhD but I know my son and something isn't right and I will work my hardest to find out what that is and give him the help he needs, I will never give up on him.

Sorry I know this post is super long and very serious sorry about that. We leave for Idaho in 2 weeks I am soooooo stoked I seriously can't wait!! I need a break, I need my friends, I need my family. The kids are very excited as well, they are looking forward to all the fun things we will do this summer with grandma and grandpa. Well now that I have spent most my morning relieving the stress I was carrying, I have a lot of things to get done before going to Kaleb's "graduation" this afternoon.

Laundry

Ellie was helping me with laundry yesterday, I think she had more fun than I did!

 She pulled the hamper into the living room to watch her movie! Apparently it's quite comfortable.

Funny thing

Monday morning I woke up with a horrible stomach ache, I got up with the kids and hauled them all to Ryne's school for the Kindergarten tour for Kaleb. I honestly thought it was a waist of time,but Kaleb loved it. Anyway we got home just in time for Ryne to get on the bus and go back (she thought that was so lame). I had planned on taking the car to emissions but my stomach was killing me and I started to throw up (and NO I am NOT pregnant), so I decided emissions could wait. I put cartoons on for the kids and curled up on my bed in pain hoping sleep would come soon so I wouldn't have to feel the pain.

I spent most of my time in the bathroom (I was seriously ready to get a pillow and blanket and lie in the tub), peaking in on the kids to make sure they were staying out of trouble. Turns out I wasn't keeping close enough tabs Ellie got my Wise Women spice(from Chef Tess) and dumped the whole bottle(did I mention it was a brand new bottle) into the butter, she then proceeded to get a whisk and mix it together! Oh and she didn't stop there she decided my favorite chair wanted a taste (looking back I wish I would have taken pics). I did the minimal clean up and laid her down for the nap, put Ironman (a cartoon series) on for Kaleb and laid back down.

I'm not sure how long I was asleep before I heard a high pitch panicked voice calling my name, I opened my eyes to see Kaleb standing over me crying mumbling something about "what did I do, you need to look, mom, mom" it was all mumbled together and was hard to make out. I shot up thinking something bad had happened,  I took a hold of Kaleb and realized what the panic was all about, just one look it's all it took. See for yourself:

 Yup that's right he found some scissors(my fabric scissors) and decided to cut his hair, and he got it all the way down to the scalp. He thought it was never going to grow back and he was going to look like this FOREVER, and I may or may not have let him believe that for a  just minute!

I waited for dad to get home to handle it cause seriously more than 10 mins out of bed and I was drained of energy and throwing up again. Dane made the experience "as embarrassing as possible", he cut Kaleb's hair very slowly and tried some different styles that Kaleb wasn't so fond of. When he finally got down to business Kaleb quickly realized what we meant by "we have to shave it ALL off" and he was devastated:

He cried the entire time, I felt really bad for him. He was convinced that no one would know who he was anymore. He was also sad because "there are no bald superheros! I guess I am Lex Luther." Leave it to Kaleb to think of that! He did promise that he would " I will NEVER,EVER NO cut my hair AGAIN!!" which is what we wanted to hear. I do have to give him credit though by the age of 5 Ryne had cut her hair 3 times this was Kaleb's first and hopefully last time.

When he got on the bus yesterday his bus driver told him she didn't recognize him he turned to me with tears in his eyes and said "see I told you they wouldn't know it was me Kaleb", the driver quickly told him how awesome she thought he was and soon he was smiling and laughing about it. We did reassure him that his hair would grow back and that we would never cut in that short again unless we had to.