Camp outs, meetings and pains

This weekend is the Father and Sons camp out, Kaleb has been dying for this weekend to get here. He has been asking me every weekend for the last 2 months if it was time to go camping. This is his day with his dad "no silly sisters aloud!". The Father and Sons has come at a perfect time this year, cause we are leaving for Idaho next week {squeal} and this gives Dane a chance to connect with Kaleb and it gives me a little break! I look forward to this weekend every year, I get to have a little break from Kaleb don't get me wrong I love him with everything I have but is a difficult kid to handle. I also deep clean my house before they go, cause it stays clean the WHOLE weekend (it proves to me that boys are a lot messier than girls).

Ryne is mutually excited, she can't wait to have a girls night with mom and Ellie, she's decided on homemade pizza and brownies for dinner, then some nail painting, wii games and " a chick movie" to end the night. I am excited to spend the weekend with my girls (including the dogs), we always have a lot of fun together.

This week has been FULL of MET and IEP meetings, Ryne's was a short and sweet half hr meeting, Kaleb's has been split into 3 meetings that's right 3. It's insane especially with everything else we have going on, his last meeting is on the 25th then we are off to Idaho till July. I learned some new things about Kaleb today, I got some advice and lot's of encouragement that I am on the right track with getting Kaleb into a specialist.

 Last night I was up with Kaleb till 4 a.m. his legs wouldn't stop moving, they were in constant motion, he cried nearly the whole time complaining about how bad they hurt. I ended up laying across his legs to get them to stop, the added pressure helped immensely and with the help of some Tylenol he relaxed enough to get back to sleep. It was a long night, it's been a long day and we are only half way through it!

I figure I will get to relax with the girls later, so for now I am keeping busy with cleaning, and laundry. I hope you all have a fantastic weekend!!

Don't take advantage of my friends!!

I have a neighbor who I love dearly, my kids call her "grandma Doreen" she is just plain AWESOME. She is kind to all the kids in the neighborhood, whenever the kids need a little money she usually always has a job for them to do. I get really frustrated when the kids take advantage of her, for instance a boy that lives right across from me went to her and asked if he could do her weeds, of course she said yes but then he said he really needed the money right then so being the kind lady she is gave him the money on the promise that he would do her weeds that was 4 WEEKS ago and the weeds have yet to be done!

What's really sad is that his dad is the maintenance manager in the park, he knows that he son is suppose to do the weeds yet he hasn't made sure it has gotten done. If my neighbor gets a notice or if the dad (of the kid that was suppose to do it) does it then she will be charged by the park we live in which is total and complete CRAP!!! I decided yesterday that I couldn't stand it in longer so today I am going to do the weeds, which is funny cause I got a call from my neighbor asking if they had been done yet of course the answer was no, she asked if I wanted to earn some extra money and of course I said no cause seriously she shouldn't have to pay TWICE for 1 job. I wouldn't want her to pay me anyway, she can't do it herself it's do in my mind the neighborly thing to do is to just do the weeds when I do my own, so that's it my mind has been made up she will no longer have to pay ANYONE to do her weeds.

I found out yesterday that the same kid had gotten paid by someone else to do there weeds and guess what he NEVER did it, they ended up having to go out and do it themselves. My plan is to wait for this kid to get home from school, I will be outside doing her weeds as he is walking home. And I swear if either one of his parents say a dang word about it I will be pissed!!! I mean if my child was paid to do a job, I as the parent would make sure the job was done even if that meant doing the job myself and making him do extra chores at home to make up for it or I would make him do it the rest of the year FREE of charge!! Ok I am going to step off my soap box now, I just needed to get that out I just get so angry when people try and take advantage of other people!

Heart

This morning on our way out the door Kaleb asked me "mom did you loose your heart?", stunned I stared wide eyed. After a minute I found my voice and asked him why he thought that, this was his answer "cause the baby in your tummy died, and it was like it was your heart.". Wow I honestly had no answer, I got emotional. Dana answered him, I have no idea what was said cause I just went numb, my head was swirling with questions, frustration and doubts of my ability as a mother.

It amazes me how observant children are, things have been harder for me this month, if I hadn't have lost the baby in September I would be expecting this month. It has been especially hard for me, but I didn't realize how much that showed. I have been trying my best to show my love for my kids, but I have to admit my patience has been very thin lately, I'm easily agitated and I'm not always in the moment. I have been very forgetful lately, I'm glad my kids are old enough to tell me(or show me) what they want or need. My mind keeps wandering to places I haven't let my self go before, and the only way to stop it is to keep myself busy with other things, like laundry dishes, blogging, it all helps to take my mind off things, but it also keeps me from being there for my kids.

I'm worried now that my kids don't think I love them. I talked with Kaleb and asked him why he thought I had lost my heart,  he said "your not as fun as you use to be, and you say no a lot". This summer the kids and I are going to Idaho, it's going to be great I am really excited and I think I will take the time I am going to have with them to heart. I will try and play with them more, and to listen to all they have to say before giving an answer. I know eventually I need to let myself think and feel all that I am keeping locked up, that's what this trip is for I NEED my family and friends that are in Idaho. I to take a step back from all the crap here in Arizona, so that I can deal with it when I come back.

I promised Kaleb that things will get better, I know they will because I have been promised the same thing by my Father in Heaven and I know in there right time everything will be fine and work out the way it's suppose too, I love my family and the insight of my 5 yr old he has given me a lot to think about.

Today is Kaleb's last day of pre-school EVER! I can't believe it he's going to be in kindergarten next year and Ryne will be in first grade HOLY CRAP I can't believe how fast they are growing. Both kids are excited for their new adventures, and of course they aren't sweatin it like mom is.

I have been reserved when it comes to Kaleb starting kindergarten honestly I'm scared. Most of you will say that's normal, just about all parents feel that way when their 5 yr goes to kindergarten. But I never felt this way for Ryne I was so excited for her, and maybe a little nervous but not scared. This last year there have been many concerns from the teachers and therapists that work with Kaleb daily, he is VERY VERY smart, but he has no self control, he doesn't play well with other kids (except Logan), he is an emotional roller coaster. Of course the teachers and therapists can't come out and say what they think might be the issue, they can only let me know their concerns and hope I look into it more and get him the help he needs.I needed to know a direction to go in so I talked to his teacher "unofficially" she brought up ADD, ADHD and Apserger's could be possibilities. When she told me theses possibilities my gut feeling lingered with one, I won't say which one it is at this time, I want to know more first.

I have been fighting with Doctors and insurance this whole year trying to get him into a specialist, but that was proving to be more difficult than I thought it would be. In order to have him see a specialist we need to have a referral. I voiced my concerns with his pediatrician she shrugged it off and told me he was just a typical little boy (after observing him for a total of 5 mins). I should have pushed more, but I didn't cause honestly I didn't want there to be anything wrong, I figured she was the Doctor she would know if there was something "different" about Kaleb. So I put it off till the next IEP meeting when again concerns were voiced, he wasn't doing much better than before, his behaviors had gotten worse.

The next week Kaleb started OT at school and he started to do better, they quickly learned that a lot of his fidgeting and restlessness was do to over-stimulation . I took this information back to the pediatrician, she said it could be Sensory Integration Dysfunction, but said she didn't think it was and wouldn't recommend us to anyone. Again she only observed him for a couple of mins before coming to this decision.   I got frustrated and took him to another pediatrician, I was basically told that I was over reacting, (even though I had all the concerns from the teachers in writing) and the concerns were once again dismissed. I was told that he was a "typical 3 yr old" I laughed out loud when he told me this, he looked shocked and a little irritated I looked him in the eye and said "That would be good news if he wasn't five." I got up and walked out.

I called the insurance to see if there was anyway I could get him to a specialist without a referral and was pretty much told no, I had to "go through the proper channels" . My thought at this point was "proper channels SUCK". I couldn't get another opinion cause with the insurance(AHCCCS)  he could only change Dr.'s once a year. The teachers and I have pulled together and tried to do our best, but we all know he needs more help.

We have been fortunate this year to get some raises with Dana's work, and we are now finally able to afford to put the kids on his work insurance. We have just had to wait for the state to kick the kids off of AHCCCS, the waiting is finally over. Dane enrolled the kids last week we do have to wait for a couple of weeks before we can use the insurance. A friend of mine suggested a really good pediatrician the specializes with kids with ADD, ADHD and so on, so I will start there and hopefully before he starts school in August we will have some answers and hopefully more help. I know I don't have a PhD but I know my son and something isn't right and I will work my hardest to find out what that is and give him the help he needs, I will never give up on him.

Sorry I know this post is super long and very serious sorry about that. We leave for Idaho in 2 weeks I am soooooo stoked I seriously can't wait!! I need a break, I need my friends, I need my family. The kids are very excited as well, they are looking forward to all the fun things we will do this summer with grandma and grandpa. Well now that I have spent most my morning relieving the stress I was carrying, I have a lot of things to get done before going to Kaleb's "graduation" this afternoon.

Laundry

Ellie was helping me with laundry yesterday, I think she had more fun than I did!

 She pulled the hamper into the living room to watch her movie! Apparently it's quite comfortable.

Funny thing

Monday morning I woke up with a horrible stomach ache, I got up with the kids and hauled them all to Ryne's school for the Kindergarten tour for Kaleb. I honestly thought it was a waist of time,but Kaleb loved it. Anyway we got home just in time for Ryne to get on the bus and go back (she thought that was so lame). I had planned on taking the car to emissions but my stomach was killing me and I started to throw up (and NO I am NOT pregnant), so I decided emissions could wait. I put cartoons on for the kids and curled up on my bed in pain hoping sleep would come soon so I wouldn't have to feel the pain.

I spent most of my time in the bathroom (I was seriously ready to get a pillow and blanket and lie in the tub), peaking in on the kids to make sure they were staying out of trouble. Turns out I wasn't keeping close enough tabs Ellie got my Wise Women spice(from Chef Tess) and dumped the whole bottle(did I mention it was a brand new bottle) into the butter, she then proceeded to get a whisk and mix it together! Oh and she didn't stop there she decided my favorite chair wanted a taste (looking back I wish I would have taken pics). I did the minimal clean up and laid her down for the nap, put Ironman (a cartoon series) on for Kaleb and laid back down.

I'm not sure how long I was asleep before I heard a high pitch panicked voice calling my name, I opened my eyes to see Kaleb standing over me crying mumbling something about "what did I do, you need to look, mom, mom" it was all mumbled together and was hard to make out. I shot up thinking something bad had happened,  I took a hold of Kaleb and realized what the panic was all about, just one look it's all it took. See for yourself:

 Yup that's right he found some scissors(my fabric scissors) and decided to cut his hair, and he got it all the way down to the scalp. He thought it was never going to grow back and he was going to look like this FOREVER, and I may or may not have let him believe that for a  just minute!

I waited for dad to get home to handle it cause seriously more than 10 mins out of bed and I was drained of energy and throwing up again. Dane made the experience "as embarrassing as possible", he cut Kaleb's hair very slowly and tried some different styles that Kaleb wasn't so fond of. When he finally got down to business Kaleb quickly realized what we meant by "we have to shave it ALL off" and he was devastated:

He cried the entire time, I felt really bad for him. He was convinced that no one would know who he was anymore. He was also sad because "there are no bald superheros! I guess I am Lex Luther." Leave it to Kaleb to think of that! He did promise that he would " I will NEVER,EVER NO cut my hair AGAIN!!" which is what we wanted to hear. I do have to give him credit though by the age of 5 Ryne had cut her hair 3 times this was Kaleb's first and hopefully last time.

When he got on the bus yesterday his bus driver told him she didn't recognize him he turned to me with tears in his eyes and said "see I told you they wouldn't know it was me Kaleb", the driver quickly told him how awesome she thought he was and soon he was smiling and laughing about it. We did reassure him that his hair would grow back and that we would never cut in that short again unless we had to.

Best. Mother's Day. EVER!!

The start to my weekend wasn't pretty but by the end of Friday night things were looking up. Saturday was really nice the house stayed clean and I got to spend some one on one time with Kaleb. Dane wasn't felling well on Saturday so he spent most the day sleeping, so by the time I was ready for bed he was WIDE awake!! Ellie decided that she wasn't tired either and stayed up till 10:30a.m. (I couldn't very well leave her in her room screaming), once she was down for the count I hit the hay and my hubby hit the stores, yup that's right he hadn't done any mother's day shopping but honestly I really wasn't that bummed about it, I got a dryer it may not have been what I wanted but it was what I NEEDED and I was happy.

I woke up Sunday morning to hugs and kisses and "happy mother's day" songs. Once up and out of bed I went to the kitchen to found and orange tree and lemon tree on my kitchen table! I have really been wanting plant trees in our yard so this was perfect, also there that I had totally and completely missed was the book The short second life of Bree Tanner and Eclipse novella, he gave me The Twilight Saga the official illustrated guide for my birthday. So that was awesome I felt dumb I didn't even see it sitting on the table with the trees. Ryne gave me and flower pen and coupon book she made at school she as so proud of herself. While I was reading the home made cards and the ones Dane got Kaleb came up to me in absolute tears gave me a hug and said "I love you mom I promise I won't say hurtful words to you anymore." I was touched I cried (ok cried some more, the cards had already opened the flood gates). I thought maybe he had been prompted by his dad to say that, but a quick glance at Dane and I knew he was just as surprised and touched as I was. Ellie gave me a hug and kiss and said "I wove you" and did the hand signs along with that I had showed her (touched her eye, hugged her arms across her chest and pointed to me for "you") it was sweet I have been trying to get her to do it on her own, but she would only mimic me. It was a bonus.

Once the presents were "opened" and the excitement was over, Dane surprised me with breakfast he made cinnamon rolls, yes they were from a can but who cares it's the thought that counts, and they were YUMMY. It was awesome and we were all dressed and ready in plenty time for church we weren't LATE for once I seriously loved that. Church was awesome too at least for the most part, I did miss the talks cause I was out in the hall with a screaming 2 yr old, but I was able to realize I forgot half my primary lesson at home and go get it. After primary the men came to relieve any women from sharing time so we could go into relief society, which is nice in and of it's self but what was really awesome was what was waiting for us in the relief society room a little brunch eon it was fantastic, bishop talked for a few minutes then gave us the rest of the hour to eat and mingle. It was neat to see the room completely full of happy relaxed women.

Once home from church Dane fed the kids lunch, while I got to lock myself away in my room and read my new book. I also got to call my mom, she has been there for my siblings and I know matter what, she has never turned her back on any of us no matter what stupid choice we made. She has shown me and unconditional love that I hope I can show to my kids.
 It was a lazy day, Dane even made dinner, and brownies for dessert(seriously a man after my own heart, brownies are my fav). It was such a great day even the kids acted kinder to one another. I have learned that some of my best mother's day's have been the ones where I have got what I NEEDED instead of what I wanted like a dryer, hugs, flower pens and  tearful promises. I hope you all had a wonderful Mother's day.

Sweet Relief!

Yesterday was a stressful one (you can read about it here), but I had an unexpected visitor (the laundry fairy) she gave me some much NEEDED and much appreciated help! By the end of the day the piles of things to do were gone and so was the stress! We ended up buying the dryer from the  gal I know for $75, cause by the time we priced all the parts, it was cheaper to go the other way.

 It was nice to wake up to a nice clean house, we had our mother's day breakfast today since we have to be to church by 8 tomorrow, it was wonderful and the best part was the cleanup everyone pitched in so it took less then 10 mins!! After breakfast Kaleb and I went to run some errands, we had to go to the UPS store, Kohl's, and the laundry mat Pippy puked on my quilt LOVELY right!? We will be home for about an hr before we take to his best friend Logan's birthday party! I through my sheets in the dryer this morning and guess what!? It worked and it was SUPER quiet AWESOME! So far today has been a good one, let's hope it stays that way!

I hope you all have a SUPER AWESOME MOTHER'S DAY tomorrow!!!

Ranting, raving and venting!

Ok I need to vent or I am going to explode. Most of you know we haven't had the best of luck these last couple of weeks with our cars, we ended up putting a speed sensor, catalytic converter, water pump and a/c motor in my car, and a new engine in Dane's lovely right HAPPY MOTHER'S day to me!! And if that wasn't enough yesterday my dryer decided that it needs a new heating element, it already needed a new belt and pads (that the hubby kept putting off). I am so totally overwhelmed especially since I am still planning on going to Idaho for the summer, but at this point I have no idea how we are going to pay for everything. Have ya seen I Robot  I feel like Will Smith's character "your sh*t keeps malfunctioning around me", yeah I swear if something else breaks down I am going MALFUNCTION!

On a good note when I FB about my dryer a gal I know mentioned she has a dryer she is trying to sell, it's 5 yrs old runs awesome and she wants $75 for it, that would be cheaper than buying all the parts to fix the one we have, and it would save us much cussing heated discussion with the one we have, cause we can't figure out how to get to all the parts in the first place, it's extremely frustrating. Plus I would be able to have a dryer asap which would be great considering I am right in the middle of doing laundry. We aren't suppose to hang our clothes outside to dry cause "it isn't appealing" (but apparently the foot high weeds in the empty lots are) to any one looking to rent or buy in our neighborhood. But ya know what I said screw it, my front and back porch's are currently adorned with clothes that are drying including little girls underpants. I honestly don't care we live in ARIZONA for crying out loud it's been in the high 90's the last few days the clothes will be out there for like 20 mins max (so by the time I get done with this post). I'm not going to wait to get my dryer fixed(or a new one) to do the laundry I already let it pile up, if I wait any longer I will be even more overwhelmed, and this is MOTHER'S DAY  weekend dammit I shouldn't be overwhelmed right!?  I wish we could have a clothes line here cause man that would save me so much electricity, and I love clothes that have been hung to dry they smell so wonderful, and it would give me a reason to get outside! I will have to definitely take advantage of my mom's clothes line when I get to Idaho!

I was hoping to have my house clean today so that I could relax this weekend at this rate it ain't gonna happen, there's to much to do and not enough time to do it in and the broken dryer through a kink in my plans. On a light note I made my first sell in my etsy shop I was super stoked! I would have celebrated but the dryer crappin out kinda killed the mood for celebration. I hope that sell was the first of many heaven know's I could really use it right now!

Ok I think I am done ranting for now, I do feel better I always feel better when I can't rant and rave and get my frustrations out. Hopefully I will have a dryer tonight whether we fix it or get a different one, and hopefully I can get the house clean so I can enjoy a clean free weekend. I have faith it will all work out!

By the by have been busy crafting too if ya want to check it out go to my craft blog HERE.

Ghost Town

We took Dane's parents to the Gold Canyon Ghost Town, we had tons of fun even though Kaleb fell and cut the underside of his chin, and grandpa got a pretty nasty sliver. Here are some pics from the day.

 Ellie's favorite part of the Mine Tour was playin in the dirt.

 Dane and Kaleb in the Mystery Shack that defies gravity (this is were Kaleb biffed it and cut himself).

 Gun fight

 Kaleb happily announced "AAHHH MAN there all DEAD!"

 Kaleb found a nice place to sit during the gun show.

Ellie joined him and wasn't happy she had to share her spot, Kaleb wasn't to thrilled either.

All 3 kids chanted "let me out" at the same time without being cued it was funny. 

We are planning to go back there soon, there was so much we didn't get to see.