What a week!

This week has been a busy one, we have been so busy cleaning and moving bedroom furniture around, going to martial arts class, on top of our normal everyday stuff. I haven't really had a chance to sit and relax.

Remember my big plan to take away the kids toys? I figured the house would stay cleaner, lets just say that the house has stayed relatively clean but the kids rooms have gotten worse if that's even possible. Where toys use to be now there are dirty and clean clothes, shoes and random things like cups and forks. I kept askin the kids to clean their rooms, their idea was to shove everything in either the closet or under the bed. I finally had enough on Monday I made Ryne clean her room before school (since we were up at 6:30 and she didn't have to be on the bus till 9:30) I pulled everything out from under the bed and out of the closet and she did a really good job of putting everything away were it belonged.

Since she did such a great job I decided to take down the crib and move the bed around. I have been wanting to do it for months but I just didn't have the motivation or patience. All I needed was to see the room really clean. Ellie cried when I took the bed down, even though she hasn't slept in it for over a month now. She only cried for about a minute then she helped me carry the crib out, she has really enjoyed the clean room she spends a lot more time in there which is nice for me.

We just cleaned Kaleb's room I didn't want to move it around more than once ,since we are going to move him into the old sewing room(which I still have to clean). I did move his dresser out of the closet and had him help me organize it, and surprisingly I haven't had to decipher which close are clean or dirty, it's been quite nice. I spent the rest of Monday doing laundry, dishes and deep cleaning the kids bathroom. Once the kids got home it was a rush to do homework, dinner and get ready for Taekwondo.

Tuesday I was busy working on the rest of the house, and doing things like emptying out the vacuum bag cause we don't have anymore and I couldn't stand my floors anymore, I finally finished the laundry too (it only took me 3 days!). Then the kids got home and it was a mad dash to get homework and dinner, then we ran off to Taekwondo again this time it was 2 hrs, by the end of the night the kids were exhausted!Today I cleaned the rest of the house, swept and mopped, did dishes, took out the trash, took the baby crib to the shed along with a few other things. Ryne had Karate tonight, but we decided to opt out, I really didn't want to have to rush dinner and homework. I wanted to be able to spend some time with my family, Dana still had scouts but we had time to take a walk and let the kids play outside before he had to go. Ryne wasn't too crushed about not going to class and she can do a double class next week to make up for this week.

I wish I could say that today was the end of my bust week but it isn't, tomorrow I am going to a morning Taekwondo class once home from that I will most likely tidy up the house and start preparing for dinner, and the kids getting home. We will have another busy night Kaleb's school is having a "Fall Treat Night", the kids get to dress up and trick or treat around the school, and have a costume parade I'm sure it's going to be cook Kaleb is stoked. Friday Kaleb's class is going to a retirement community to have a costume parade and to trick or treat, then that night Ryne school is doing a Spooktacular Movie Night and since we are going to Kaleb's thing on Thursday we can't miss Ryne's thing on Friday! Saturday Dana is going to Little Philmont for scouts, I have nothing planned for that day but I am sure something will come up! I think next week will be a lot slower, although the kids will be doped up on candy!!!!

Who decides?

The other day I wrote about some trouble Ryne has been having at school. I wish I could say that things are getting better but they aren't they are getting a lot worse. This little girl that has been making fun of Ryne has gone from teasing her about her hair to teasing her because she is white and she has "white people hair", Really? racial slanders at 5? Ryne has come home in tears because of this, I have asked her if she is telling her teacher she says yes but the girl (and her friends) don't stop. I have a parent teacher conference tonight and will be discussing some things with the teacher like where in the world does a 5 year old get the term "cracker" from? Yes that's right she told Ryne to get away from her "cause I don't play with crackers" how do you explain that? I had to talk to Ryne about it when she asked what it meant, not a conversation I ever thought I would have with my 5 year old. What was once in awhile teasing has turned into everyday bullying, and I will not stand for it.

As this is happening to Ryne I am reminded of the crap that I went through growing up, the teasing because I didn't dress the way they did, because I befriended people they didn't like, I had curly hair instead of the ever so popular straight hair, all in all because I was different, I was even disliked because I was actually good at something (that they ruined for me). I was so happy to move away from my tormentors when I was 15, things got better because I adapted the attitude that I just flat out didn't give a damn about other peoples negative opinions of me. At my new school I tried to be friends with anyone and everyone that wanted and needed a friend. I can't say I wasn't perfect and didn't talk about people behind there backs, cause let's face it no one is that perfect but I did try. I would think to myself "how would I feel if someone said or did that to me?".

I have wondered many times who? Who decides all this popularity stuff? Who decides if you are friend material? Who decides whether or not your clothes are "cool"? Who decides if your pretty enough, or cute enough? Who decides if your thin enough? Who decides that color matters?Who decides what fads are in or out? One more question who decides when it's going to stop?

I am refusing to sit back and let my child get bullied because she is different. Look around people NO ONE person is EXACTLY the same, if we were what kind of world would we live in. Parents be a good example to your kids, don't make a snide comment about the clothes someone is wearing, or how big they are or because of what they look like, kids pick up on stuff like that and repeat it. People ask where is all the negativity towards people coming from? It's coming from parents who don't teach their kids any different, it's coming from parents that tell their kids to "suck it up" or"your exaggerating" when they get teased, stand by them teach them how to handle it, teach them that they don't have to take that crap but they can still be kind to those doing it to them. Teach them that they MATTER that you love them for who they are, teach them to love themselves. And to the parents of kids who are the ones teasing a bullying, LOVE them, show them that they are important, that they don't have to put others down to make themselves feel better.

I have been following a fantastic blog Single Dad Laughing, I have been inspired by him to put out my thoughts on bullying. Bullying of any kind should not be tolerated, I really like his post today called" Are we all talk, or are we going to fix this?" it's time to act and do something yo stop the bullying, it isn't going to fix it's self so I ask again, Who decides it's going to stop? Look in the mirror it has to start with you, whether you are the bully or the one being bullied, maybe you have never been bullied or teased but you have seen it happen and done nothing, it starts with you take a stand on it put being popular and fitting in on the back burning and put your feelings and others feelings first.

Trunk or Treat

Our Ward had the their Trunk or Treat on Friday, the kids were so excited. We had a busy day planned, we got up early to run some errands once home a friend came over and I helped her make a hat for her costume. While Ellie took a nap Ryne and I made these goolish mummy cupcakes for the Trunk or Treat, they turned out great and were a big hit!
Ryne and her new friend Kaelah showin off their costumes in the little costume parade.
Doesn't she make the cutest Alice!? She was so giddy it was great!
Kaleb as The Flash, he wouldn't look at the camera so this was the best I could get!I think Kaleb's costume is very fitting for him, considering I can't get him to stand still, and I sure can't keep up with him he truly is "THE FLASH!"
Ellie as Raggedy Anne, she wore the red wig for about the first 5 minutes of the party then ripped it off, and she smothered her makeup a couple of minutes after I put it on. Everyone seemed to know who she was suppose to be without those things so it was all good and she had a blast running and chasing the older kids.
Can you guess what Dane went as? He has a bat and he's a man, get it BATMAN!!!! :)
I went as a Hippie and I think it's sad to say that I was able to just pull these clothes from my closet! Ellie and I chillin on the couch after the party. The kids had so much fun, they loved showing off their costumes.

Poor girl

This morning I got up to find Ryne and Kaleb quietly sitting and watching cartoons, I was surprised that Ellie wasn't up yet. I decided to go check on her, as I approached the door I could hear a faint cry, I opened the door expecting her to be on the floor crying to get out but she wasn't anywhere to be seen. I followed the cries, her head was stuck between the head of the bed and the wall! She was really stuck, I had to pull the bed out to get her out, once I was comforting her I realized she had been like that for awhile when was drenched head to toe in sweat, her poor face was as red as could be and she could barely breathe. I felt horrible how long had she been like that? and why didn't I hear her? The way her head was stuck she was facing the ground, so her sound was pretty muffled but still I felt bad, I should have checked on her sooner.

Ryne said that her and Kaleb didn't hear her crying if they had they would have come to get me. I knew this and I wasn't placing any blame on anyone. Poor Ellie was pretty mellow this morning, she didn't want to eat she just sat in her high chair, I was getting a little concerned but after about an hr she was back to her old self again. She does have some pretty nasty bruises on the side of her face, if ya don't believe me check it out.

She was crying in this one cause I was tryin to put a cold wash clothe on it and she really didn't like it.
Her poor ear is really tender, I thought I would try and take her earring out cause she was pulling on it and crying. But when I touched her ear she screamed. Poor thing, I really wish I could just make it all better. I am afraid to take her anywhere in fear that people will think I abused her, I'm sure when I take her out tomorrow I will get some looks!

I did pull the bed away from the wall so this won't happen again, and hopefully she learned not to try and squeeze herself into small spaces.

I was wrong

Well it's Thursday and my kids have been on Fall break all week, I thought I would have gone insane by now! I have to admit I wasn't looking forward to this week in fact I was DREADING it, and now I feel guilty for even thinking that way. Don't get me wrong I LOVE to spend time with my kids, but lately Ryne has been extremely mean towards her brother which induces a bout of the whines and screams, and "MOM, Marryne beat me!" or "MOM, Marryne is teasing me!", and when I say "beat" I don't mean like physically beating I mean EVERYTHING is a race and she "beats" him just about every time. A lot of this behavior has been kept to a minimum when she is at school, so I really wasn't looking forward to a week of them spending 24 hrs together. I wasn't looking forward to constantly having to send them to their rooms, or put them in time out, I really wanted to be able to enjoy them but didn't think that was going to happen.

I have to admit I was wrong. The kids have been really great this week, they have had a few squabbles here and there but that's pretty normal for most kids. They have let me sleep in, the last few days which has been really nice. We have been spending more time out of the house and that helps a lot. Ryne has made some new friends in the neighborhood, one of which lives 5 doors down she has been spending a lot of time at her friends house and outside(only if I can see her out the front window). Kaleb has felt a little left out ,cause I don't let him go but I have been making up for that by doing some fun things with him. When they are together they have been playing nicely with each other.

I haven't been giving the kids credit. Instead of seeing how good they can be I have been focusing on how bad they can be. I have been wanting to go to a Tai Chi and Taekwondo class with Dana, but we don't seem to be able to find or afford a sitter, many times Dana has suggested we take the kids with us, there is an area where they can play and watch and they are welcome. I have snubbed this idea every time cause I just thought I knew how they would act and I didn't want to have to "deal" with it. Dana didn't listen to my protests he got the kids ready to go, and was waiting for me, I reluctantly went. I thought that it would be the biggest disaster ever, and then Dana wouldn't be inclined to ask again. I ended up eating my words that night, the kids were wonderful and we were there over 2 hrs! Ellie played great in the pack-n-play with a few toys, Kaleb found a Superman toy that kept him really busy and QUIET, Ryne watched Dane and I most the time and took care of Kaleb and Ellie when necessary. I thought for sure after Tai Chi I would have to keep them quiet while Dana continued with the next class, but they were fantastic, I helped Kaleb fix a couple of the toys, then continued with the next class. By the end of the class I felt great, out of breath but great. I was so proud of the kids that they all got ice cream when we got home they were so happy and Dana was right we didn't know how they would act till we tried. I was really glad we did, now that doesn't mean that they will be this good every time and hopefully we can get a sitter here and there, but it means that they have the potential to be that good every time. I underestimated my kids, I assumed that they couldn't be that good, I was wrong and to them I say I am sorry, you guys are the best kids a mother could have and I love you so much.

My kids were part of the reason I didn't want to go to the class that night, the other part was me I have been very anti people lately. I don't want to be around anyone but at the same time I know I need to be. I met some really great people that night, I gained a lot of confidence in myself and I felt so rejuvenated. I am definitely going back in fact we are doing a class tonight and we are taking all of the kids again and I am not worried or stressed (which is big for me). I am glad that my husband was brave enough to pass through choppy waters to get me to go to the class that night, he got some really scary glares from me and maybe a few not so nice words. He was persistent, and that was exactly what I needed at the time. I love you hun, thank you.

So with that I feel better about the weekend, physically and emotionally I have confidence that I can handle whatever comes my way and I have my wonderful, fantastic family to thank so THANK YOU I love you so much.

Basic Math

I slept in till 9:30 this morning it was wonderful, maybe Fall break isn't going to be so bad after all! I went to the fridge and found that we didn't have enough milk for breakfast, such a pain I really didn't want haul all 3 of my kids to the grocery store for a gallon of milk! I knew we wouldn't last and hr without it (its Ellie's main choice of beverage), so after a 1/2hr of battling them the kids were ready to go, I thought this will be a quick in and out trip. Before we left the house I had the "No whining, crying or throwing a tantrum cause we are only getting milk"talk. We went in without a hitch got the milk went to the "20 items or less"lane where we waited for a 1/2 hr YES you heard me a 1/2 hr. Apparently the cashiers till wasn't working, and the man in front of us gave her a $100 and she didn't know what change to give him, she was writing it out but seemed to come up with a different amount each time! I was getting frustrated cause now my kids who were being very good up to this point were getting antsy and irritated, I finally pulled out my cell and offered the calculator to the cashier which she grudgingly took she typed in the numbers and FINALLY gave the guy the right change. She wasn't all impressed with me nor I her I mean come on you work with money you think you would be able to do a little basic math. I am no math whiz but I had the amount figured out in my head before she could type it in the calculator!

The cashier had the manager come over and fix her till. The kids were so thrilled when it was our turn, I had to keep them busy so they weren't blatantly honest with the lady. The kids told her thank you and she gave them a 1/2 smile and waved, probably glad to be rid of me, really I didn't mean to embarrass her but really. By the time we got home we had been an hr so much for our quick trip! The kids did pretty well considering, so I decided to give them a treat when they got home.

Rant, Rant, Rant (Yup it's one of those Posts)!

I finally got my act together and pulled my Halloween boxes out, the kids had a blast helping me decorate. I realized I had a lot less stuff than I thought, I will have to work on that I made a cute "wreath" for my door with Dollar store finds I have a few more ideas now let's see if I actually get them made this year.

So my thoughts today, I thought I was dealing pretty well till I had a conversation with my hubby tonight, then the tears started and the walls came up. He gave me advice that I am sure was given to me for a reason but right now I am just not ready or more honestly don't want to hear it. I got to thinking about why not and I came up with this, right now it's easier for me to just pretend that this thing never happened and live life. So far this has been working for me, instead of spending all day in bed feeling sorry for myself I am actually being a mom to my kids. I have been getting dressed and keeping myself pretty busy, which I think is great so my thinking seemed to be working until my hubby asks "What is it doing to the inside?". I know what it's doing and that's what I feel I can't face right now. I feel that nothing can be said that hasn't already been said. I know this is just "one of those things", I know my Heavenly Father loves me, and I know I will get through this, but right now that doesn't change the emptiness, and helplessness I feel right now and it doesn't make the pain go away and I really don't want to hear it!!I am tired of having my every thought and feeling analyzed by me or other people, I don't want to think about it that much, the more it's analyzed the more it hurts and I am to tired to take it.


I kinda feel like I am being pushed into "getting over it". This is kinda what I am hearing "ok you've cried about it for a couple of weeks, now it's time to knock it off and move on." I'm sure this isn't really what is being said it's just what I am hearing, it's how I feel I can't help it. Why do I feel that this is only happening to me? It didn't only happen to me but to me and my hubby so why do I feel that he is already "over it"? When I asked he said "Not completely." What does that mean? Expanding on that would be nice! I think I am frustrated cause I think he is holding thoughts and feelings inside ,yet he is telling me to get mine out and move on. Ok so this post has now turned into a rant post but hey I do feel a little better. I think I really needed to just put my thoughts down and take a breath. I think I will go take a bath, clear my mind and relax.

Kids these days....

It's amazing to me how young kids start being mean and judgmental. Lately Marryne hasn't been wanting me to do her hair and when we do it's usually something low key with no hair bows, I just thought it was because she was growing out of it come to find out I was wrong. When I was doing her hair this morning she wanted a hair bow then she second guessed herself I told her she could wear one if she wanted too, she said " the kids in my class make fun of me". How sad is that? Apparently having your hair done in ANY way is weird and you should be made fun of. I was talking to one of the other moms at the bus stop her daughter and Ryne are good friends even though they aren't in the same kindergarten class, they play together at recess and eat lunch together. I mentioned it to Kenzi's mom and she said that Kenzi had mentioned that too that she didn't think it was fair that Ryne gets teased "all cause her mom likes her enough to do her hair, sometimes I just want to punch them in the nose!", at least she has Kenzie on her side. But it's made Ryne a little self conscious, Kenzi's mom told Ryne "If God wanted us all to be the same he would have made us that way!" I thought that was great advice.

I have been trying to boost her up a little, I've told her of some similar things I went through when I was in school and how I finally got to the point where I just didn't care what everyone else thought, if I liked it that's all that mattered. Popularity is so overrated, you are popular among the friends you have, and if they stand by you no matter how you dress, wear your hair or talk then they are your true friends if they want you to change then they aren't. And with my experience usually when someone doesn't like something it's because they are jealous of it, and they figure since they can't have it or whatever then they will make you miserable. Anyway that's my thoughts on that, I am really frustrated with how Ryne is being treated, I mean come on she's pretty, has a great loving personality she likes everyone even those that are mean to her, what's not to love!

What is your choice?

If you could know everything about your life and you had the choice to live it again in exactly the same way would you? If you knew of all the pain, suffering, all the good and bad choices, all the consequences, misery, heartache, all the love, joy, peace and happiness would you choose to live it over or say no thanks? I have pondered this a lot, right now I am going through something that was quiet devastating, something that I never thought would happen to me but it did and it hurts. It's made me think about all the hardships in my life and I have had my fair share but out of all of them I think this is the worse I have endured so far, but I would not change it if I could live my life over, right now I don't know why I have to go through this but I believe everything happens for a reason there is a purpose for everything we go through in life.

What I am going through now is nothing compared to what Jesus suffered through the Atonement, I have to remember that what I am going through now and what I will go through in the future has already been suffered for me, I am not alone in my suffering and I can pray and get the comfort I need. The comfort may not come right away, but for good reasons I am sure, it's just like when one of my kids is struggling with something, I don't help them right away I let them struggle and learn and feel and grow from the experience, and that's what our Father in Heaven wants for us.

All the things I have endured and will endure have and will make me a stronger person, I will be able to help others going through the same if not worse experience. I will be able to help my children through the trials that they will face in their lives, because I have endured and made it through my own with the Lord's hand in mine. It's strange to feel grateful for not only my blessings but my hardships as well, because what are hardships now may be blessings in the future. I know that my Savior and my Father in Heaven have not forgotten me, I know that they love me and all they ask in return is the same to not forget them and to love them unconditionally just as they do. So what is your choice?

School pictures

I got Ryne's school pictures yesterday, we are still waiting on Kaleb's hopefully I will get them in the next week. I'm so use to Ryne's giant smiles that I was surprised by the pictures, but I really like them. I think the polka dots show off her personality. She was pretty proud of them, and hey that's all that matters right!? As promised here's Kaleb's pictures!

Class picture. His teacher told me by the time they did the class picture he was in a foul mood, he did the opposite of what the photographer asked, the guy finally gave up and this was the best group shot!
Dane thinks it says " I will not conform!". I messed with the image a little and did a spotlight on Kaleb, I think it looks pretty cool.