Confusion

I love my life and I would never trade it for anything, all the good and bad has made me into the person I am today, it's made me strong and I have learned so many things, but despite that,the bad parts do really SUCK. I am struggling with some things right now, it's one of those on going struggles that just feels like it will never end, I know it will eventually end but right now I am just in a dark place and having a hard time with it. My thoughts today are a little confusing to me, I know things will be fine and this isn't something I haven't dealt with before but for some reason I am more bothered by it today, then I have ever been before. Whenever I think about the problem it brings on a fresh batch of tears, and even though my hubby reassures me that everything is going to be fine(and I truly know that it will) I can't seem to be able to shake of this looming sadness. I also think that maybe it isn't just THIS issue that I am struggling with,maybe there are some other things that are also playing into, but that makes me wonder what they are cause honestly I have no clue.

Today was suppose to be MY day, I was planning on doing a few things by myself with NO kids and hubby dragging behind me, this may sound selfish but every once in awhile you really do have to take some time out for yourself, to take a step back and relax and gain some confidence before jumping back into your life with both feet. I wasn't able to go do the things I wanted because of this ISSUE, I think that's why I am so sad not so much because I am missing out on the things that I wanted to do I can always do them later, but I was just looking forward to being alone, and having some time to think without someone needing my attention, and even though I plan on locking my self in the bathroom while I take a hot bath it just isn't the same, because I am not really escaping and taking a step back from everything, I will still hear the kids screaming and banging on the door for me to let them in, and my hubby gettin mad cause of all the things they are doing or not doing, I will still hear the baby crying on the baby monitor and I will be thinking about everything, but nothing that I want to think about. And even though I could still go out and spend some time a lone for some reason it just isn't the same and I lost that desire.

It's funny that even though I am sad about not being able to spend some much needed time alone, I got a new drive to deep clean my house, and even though it's not what I want to be doing right now it is making me feel better. I look at around and see some of the things I have completed and it makes me feel like all that hard work was well worth it and I feel so accomplished. I guess that's they way I need to look at my life's struggles, even though it's not something that I want to deal with or do because of all the hard work and tears it entails, I know once that it is handled and over I will feel accomplished once more and have more confidence in my self to handle future issues.

I am actually feeling much better already, I new that if I sat down and wrote down all the thoughts in my head that I would be able to look at it and go that's it that's my problem? Cause now as I look at all I have written the issue at hand seems silly, and it just puts everything in perspective for me, I know that I can handle it, it really is nothing compared to other things I have dealt with before, my heart already feels lighter. :)